Look, it's me!

Day Forty-Four: A picture of yourself.

Well, friends, this is the last post of my random 44-day blog challenge. And here is a picture of myself. Super exciting, right? Oh yeah. This has been a fun challenge, though. I've enjoyed writing all these random posts. I do apologize for how many times I've backdated my posts—you might want to go back through and make sure you caught everything on the days I was writing four posts at once. Here's hoping I can keep up the blogging at least semi-regularly from now on.

November

Day Forty-Three: The month you were happiest this year and why.

I've been thinking about this one a lot, trying to figure out which month of the last year I was happiest. It was pretty hard to decide, but the month I kept coming back to was November. For those who know how much crap went down in November, this may seem odd, but I'll explain myself, I promise.

So much happened in November. So, so much. A huge portion of it was not good, and it was the start of a few months of some crazy drama and stress. But at the same time, there was so much good. In the midst of trial, the Lord blessed me. I have never felt so loved as I did that month. I had so many friends step forward and help me out when they didn't have to. I attended the temple more often, and I felt that power in my life. 

November was also when I thought things with Der Junge had real promise. I'm not saying that my happiness is dependent on whether a guy is paying attention to me; I'm just saying that it helped peak my happiness, for sure. It was nice to know that someone seemed to have some kind of interest in me. I spent quite a bit of time with him, including the events at the Cocoa Bean. 

There was also quite a bit of social interaction in November. We threw parties and hung out with a lot of people. I had a lot of fun. It was a full month, with plenty of ups and downs, but there was so much good to hold on to. I have incredible people in my life, and pretty much all of November was a testament to that.

I was the only wanted one.

Day Forty-Two: Talk about your siblings.

My siblings are kind of awesome. I am the youngest of five, though I've only known three of my siblings in this life. Here's a little bit about each of them.

Ben

Ben and his family.

Ben is my oldest brother. He's a goober. I love hanging out with him because he's always cracking jokes and using goofy voices and accents. It's fun to watch him play with his kids and see how much he loves each of them. I feel like my relationship with Ben has gotten stronger since I've been an adult, simply because he always seemed so much older, so as a kid it was sometimes hard to relate to him. It's kind of fun to see how relationships change as you get older. Ben is always willing to help me with anything I need, whether it be computer issues or advice about something that's bugging me. 

Bobby

Bobby was born a little over 11 months after Ben. Crazy, right? My mom had two kids at 20. I still don't know how her body handled that. This may sound a little cheesy, but I like to think of Bobby as my guardian angel, in a way. He was hit and killed by a car when he was 19 months old, so I never knew him in this life. But I knew him in the premortal life, and the love I have for him is just as real as the love I have for my living siblings. I have felt Bobby's presence in my life, and I know that he is interested in what I am doing. Family ties aren't just for this life. They are eternal, and no matter what, Bob will always be my big brother.

Chelly

Chelly and her two beautiful girls. (I probably should have chosen a picture with her husband in it too, but I love this picture too much not to use it.)

Chelly is my only sister (by blood, anyway). Growing up, Chelly always made me feel wanted and loved. I was always included in things she was doing, even if I was an awkward 14-year-old and she was hanging out with her college-aged friends. Anytime I was feeling down on myself, which happened more often than it should have, Chelly did her best to bring me back up. We never really fought growing up, which is probably thanks to the five-year age gap. As we have gotten older, our relationship has only strengthened. I consider Chelly to be one of my very best friends. I can talk to her about anything, and I know I will get good, honest advice when I need it. She is also hilarious, which makes her that much more fun to be around.

Matt

Matt and his adorable family.

Matt is the sibling I fought with the most. He is the closest in age to me, though there are still four years between us. We just always managed to find something to argue about. But then he would bribe me into going shopping with him by buying me food. Matt is a dork. I always like spending time with him because he's easy to talk to, and he gives good advice. He is incredibly protective of me and always has been, so he likes to know my business. Which is fine because that's how he shows me that he loves me. He's always willing to help me out with whatever I need, and he's always available to talk to when I need it. Like Chelly and Ben, Matt is also pretty dang funny. 

I love my siblings so much, and I'm so grateful that I have such a good relationship with all of them. I don't see them as often as I would like to, but I know that they are always there if I need something. My relationship with all of them has only strengthened as we have gotten older, and I love that. I love that we can call each other friends now as well as siblings. We may still get in some arguments, but I don't think that aspect of sibling rivalry ever goes away. And regardless of any arguments we might have, I never question their love for me or my love for them. I couldn't ask for a better family than the one I have.

I Belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Day Forty-One: Your religious beliefs.

I know most people who read my blog are probably of the same faith as I am, but I'll do a little outline of my religious beliefs anyway. The blog challenge's wish is my command, after all.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The members are sometimes also known as Mormons because we believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. We believe that in 1820, 14-year-old Joseph Smith went into a grove of trees to pray about which church to join. As an answer to his prayer, God the Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith and told him that he should join none of them, for none of them had the full truth of the Gospel. Throughout the next ten years, Joseph Smith received revelations, obtained and translated the golden plates that contained the Book of Mormon, and restored the true church upon the earth once again.

We believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior and the Redeemer of the world. This is the most important aspect of the Gospel. Christ is the center of it all. He was sent to earth by our Father in Heaven to atone for our sins in the garden of Gethsemane. He was to die on the cross and then be resurrected three days later so that all men might conquer death. Because of Christ's atonement, everyone can repent and turn unto Him, and thus receive eternal life. Christ is the great Mediator, and it is through His grace that we are saved, but only after we do all that we can do in this life to follow Him. 

God the Father is my Father. I am His child, and I am therefore of divine worth. He loves me. He knows who I am. He wants me to return to Him. He has a plan for me, and as long as I remain faithful, He will guide me through that plan and I will gain all that He has in store for me. 

I believe that Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are three distinct and separate individuals. They are one in that they all share the same purpose, but they are physically separate beings. In that aspect, Mormons very much differ from traditional Christianity.

As a Mormon, I also believe in personal revelation. God speaks to me through the gift of the Holy Ghost. I have felt that power in my life multiple times. Through this same power, Heavenly Father speaks to modern-day prophets, who are called in this day and age to guide the modern Church through these turbulent times. 

There is so much more that I believe in as a Latter-day Saint. There are temple ordinances, the power of the priesthood, eternal families, the three kingdoms of heaven, resurrection, so much more to the Atonement, tithing and fast offerings, and so on. I could write pages and pages about what exactly I believe, but I simply don't have time. If anyone who doesn't understand my beliefs already comes across this blog, go to mormon.org. All the information you need is there. 

Another thing that I want everyone to know: I believe with my whole heart that I belong to the true church. Jesus Christ is my Savior. He died for me, for my individual sins and sorrows and infirmities, which means He is the only person who can fully and completely understand everything I go through. He is the one who knows best how to succor me and comfort me and help me. He is the best friend I could ever have, and I can't tell you how incredibly grateful I am for the knowledge I have of Him, and most especially for the personal relationship I have developed with Him. I love Him, and I love His Gospel.

Pretty straightforward, I think.

Day Forty: 10 ways to win your heart.

I'm really not a very difficult person to figure out. This list will probably emphasize that point really well.

1. Musical talents will always take the number-one spot here. Singing to me while playing the guitar/piano/other awesome musical instrument is the absolute fastest way to my heart.
2. Humor generally takes number two. If a guy makes me laugh, I am much more likely to fall for him.
3. A man who is a worthy priesthood holder who does what he is asked to do by serving and magnifying his calling is very attractive.
4. Seeing a guy play with kids melts my heart, no doubt about it.
5. A guy who forces himself through my walls is a winner. My walls aren't particularly difficult to tear down, but if a guy makes the effort, it says a whole lot about him.
6. If a guy notices that something is wrong (whether I'm just having a bad day or I really need someone's help) without being nudged, I will take notice. Someone who goes out of his way to make sure I'm okay is someone I want to spend time with.
7. My family has a very particular sense of humor, and if he can hold his own with them, it means he's a good one.
8. I love good, deep conversation. When I have a conversation with a guy that is about more than sports or movies, and that flows well without awkwardness, I'm in seventh heaven.
9. I am a little bit of a sucker for guys who are kind of nerdy. Not scary nerdy—just a little nerdy. I like seeing guys with quirks, who like things that aren't completely mainstream or that are a little dorky. It's fun.
10. I need a man who is completely trustworthy. Any man who wins my trust (or has it inherently) is a good man.

This was more difficult than it seemed.

Day Thirty-Nine: Things you want to say to five different people.

Ooooh, this could be interesting. Here goes nothing.

1. Der Junge: In case you didn't already know, I'm interested in you. (And seriously, if you didn't already know this, you are blind as a friggin' bat.) I don't necessarily need you to be sure you want to date me (though I wouldn't mind it one bit), but would it hurt you to give me a shot? How about you just ask me on one little date (it can be inexpensive, or even free, I don't care) and spend the evening deciding if you could see yourself dating me? I know for a fact that you don't know what you want. So give me a shot and find out for sure if I fit your qualifications. All I'm asking for is a chance. This isn't a marriage proposal. It's one date. 
2. The "Party Apartment": I know you girls think you're all that and a bag of chips because you have lots of parties and always have boys over at your apartment. But really, it's just kind of obnoxious. You're not the "party apartment" of the ward, as you have dubbed yourselves. Many of us in the complex have parties and invite people over—you're not the only ones capable of being social. And most of the people that you invite over started their socialness in this ward by hanging out with my apartment. So stop acting like you're God's gift to the 192nd ward. You're kind of just sweeping up our sloppy seconds. (Sorry . . . that was catty, I know. But these girls drive me up a wall. Holy cow.)
3. John Paul White: I love you. I really do. I know you're married and you have long hair and you have lots of tattoos, but I love you. And it's not just because you look a whole heckuva lot like Johnny Depp. It's because your lyrics speak to me and your voice makes me absolutely melt. I am entranced by your guitar because you make it look like an extension of your arms. You play with no difficulty, and I ache to have that kind of talent. You sing while playing intricate melodies and thumping rhythms, and I'm baffled as to how you keep it all straight. It would be one of the best nights of my life if at your concert in May I could actually meet you and tell you a small part of this in person.
4. President Dieter F. Uchtdort: Thank you so, so much for pretty much every talk you have ever given in conference. There is something about your persona and your voice that I can relate to. Your soothing voice is a comfort to me, and you always manage to say exactly what I need to hear. I especially thank you for your "Forget Me Not" talk at women's conference. Being in the same room with you made your words that much more powerful. When you evoked the authority of your priesthood office and proclaimed that I am not forgotten by my Father in Heaven, chills coursed through my body. I could feel in the depths of my soul the truthfulness of your words. The Spirit spoke to me very clearly and emphasized your point. It is a lesson that I very much needed, and I will forever be grateful to you for providing it.
5. Coach Dave Rose: You, sir, are amazing. You have eclipsed 20 wins for the seventh season in a row, which is each one of the seasons you have coached basketball at BYU. That is absolutely incredible. You managed to achieve your 100th home victory before reaching even 10 home losses. You somehow succeeded in managing the insanity that was Jimmermania. After losing your best offensive player and your best defensive player, you still created a competitive team. I have only recently started paying really close attention to BYU hoops, and I have to say that it has a whole lot to do with you. Jimmer and Jackson may have been the shiny objects that caught my eye, but it didn't take me long to realize who was really behind the success. For the sake of every BYU hoops fan everywhere, please stay. Please stay for a really, really long time. 

Okay, that was a lot harder than I thought it would be. But I covered boys, people I don't like, music, church, and sports, so I call this post a success.

What if . . .

Day Thirty-Eight: Something you always wonder "what if . . . " about.

Oh man, there are so many of these. But there is one that generally comes to mind first. First, I must apologize that this, once again, hails back to my ex. What is the deal with this blog challenge? Why does it keep bringing up bad memories? My goodness. I'm really not hung up on this, I promise. It just happens to be what applies to a lot of these topics.

My main "what if" is this: What if I had let my first breakup with The Ex stick instead of getting back together with him? How would the rest of my senior year and my first two years of college been different? Would I have dated other guys? Would I have saved myself two and a half years of emotional turmoil?

Well, I can tell you that the last two probably would have been true. I wouldn't have had to go through everything that transpired after high school, which was a lot. My senior year of high school was hard enough, and I made everything worse on myself by not accepting the fact that my boyfriend had broken up with me. Instead, I dogged his footsteps. I made sure I was where he was as often as I could, which was easy, since we had a ton of classes together and were in the musical. I guess I eventually wore him down and we ended up dating again. And that is the worst mistake I made in the whole sordid affair. I still wish I had just let it go. 

But I didn't, and there are scadwads of things that I learned about life and myself and relationships because of that decision. And I'm truly grateful for all of those lessons I learned and how they have helped me the past few years. Getting over things was hard, but it was worth it to get where I am today. I'm truly happy with myself and the things I've accomplished. I have many things yet to do and to learn, but I have made so much progress already.