Friday, December 21, 2012

Some Countdowns

December is always an exciting and busy time of year. There always seems to be something to look forward to, and the wedding plans just give me even more things to do and look forward to. Therefore, I present some countdowns.

  • 4 days until Christmas
  • 11 days until New Year's
  • 15 days until we move Andrew into our new apartment
  • 22 days until I do my bridals
  • 54 days until I go through the temple
  • 60 days until I get married!!
More things will come up, I'm sure, but that's what I can think of right now. And it isn't including all the little wedding things that still need to be done. But we're at less than two months now! I can't wait. It's coming faster than I thought it would, but it's still not fast enough.

Thursday, December 6, 2012


Last night, Andrew and I babysat my brother's two little ones. Ethan and Chloe were so excited to see us, and they didn't stop jumping for 15 minutes. They are such funny little kids.

But the best part of babysitting was when Chloe started asking Andrew for things and to do things and wanting to show him things. Without even being prompted, she called him "Uncle Andrew." And it melted my heart.

I can't wait to marry this man in 75 days.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Photoshoot Fun

On Saturday, Andrew and I went up to Salt Lake to take our engagement photos. We were supposed to take them the week before, but our photographer got sick, so we had to postpone. I was beyond excited to take engagements. I've always thought that it would be a blast to take engagement photos, and I was not wrong.

Our photographer was Alyssia Baird. You should definitely go check out her stuff because she's awesome. And she was so much fun to work with. She always had ideas for poses and what to do in photos, so it never really felt awkward. One of my favorite instructions that she gave us was to stand close and be into each other. That made me laugh. I'm super excited to work with her for my bridals and on our wedding day. I think I'm going to love our photography.

We started the shoot at the Salt Lake Library, which is such a cool building. We took pictures in the aisles of books and around the building so you could see the cool architecture. Then we went out to take some pictures on the city streets. I am so excited to see how all the pictures turned out. We couldn't have picked better locations—Andrew and I both love to read, and I absolutely love the city. We'll get access to the proofing site tomorrow to pick the pictures we want to be edited, but in the meantime, Alyssia posted a couple of images on Facebook.

I can't wait to get the rest.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Thanksgiving Day . . . wait, what day am I on again?

Okay, friends. I'm giving up on the daily posts. I know, I know, it's sad, and I'm a quitter, and blah blah blah. But let's be completely honest here. I haven't written a post in thirteen days. I have a week's worth of drafts saved, but for the rest, I'd have to think back to the specific days and postdate the posts and all that jazz. So, I'm giving up. I'm too busy for this. I'll still hopefully blog on occasion, but I've got other things on my mind. And I'd rather spend my evenings with Andrew than worrying about my daily post.

But that doesn't mean I'm not thankful for everything I have. As any reader is well aware, I am so thankful for my incredibly wonderful fiancé. He is amazing and so patient with me when I'm ornery, which has been more frequent than usual lately. Not because of him, though—he is always so understanding. When I just need to cry for some unknown reason, he doesn't question it. He just offers his shoulder and lets me cry. And then he talks to me so I can pinpoint what's wrong. I love him so much.

I am also thankful for my awesome family, which I got to see quite a bit over Thanksgiving. Andrew and I spent a few days at my parents' house, and it was fun to see my nieces and nephews and spend time with my family. It was a relaxing few days, and it was a much-needed break.

In other news, Andrew and I have an apartment! It's a basement apartment, and it has a lot of space. The kitchen, master bedroom, and master bathroom are huge. There are two bedrooms, so we should have plenty of room for all our crap. The family that owns the house and lives upstairs seems really nice, and I think it will be a good situation for us. I'm so happy that we have a place to live! Our own little space. I can't wait to move in and start making it our home.

There are a mere 84 days until I get married to the love of my life. That's a little less than three months. As of yesterday, we have been together for six months. And it's been six of the best months of my life. Really. I'm so happy. And although 84 days still seems like a long time, I know it will go fast. We take engagement photos this Saturday (and I am so excited!). We have a bazillion Christmas parties to attend during the next few weeks. Then it's Christmas and New Year's, when we can move Andrew and hopefully a good portion of my stuff into our apartment. Then I'll be taking bridals, and we'll be getting our announcements out. Then I'll have to worry about getting everything ready so I can take my endowments out. And then it's our wedding day! So when I think about it in terms of what still needs to be done, 84 days isn't long at all.

I apologize again that I fell short with my month of thanksgiving. But it's all in my heart, I promise.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Thirteen

Tonight was a very low-key kind of night. Andrew wanted to play his new video game, and he told me he'd like some company, so I went to his place prepared with a book. I spent a good portion of the evening with my legs over his lap, reading my book while he played his game. That may sound boring to some, but I thought it was very nice.

So while I am thankful that Andrew and I go out and do things, I am also thankful that we are capable of doing our own things, and doing them together. I didn't necessarily need to have 100% of Andrew's attention tonight, but I wanted to be near him. He makes me happy, and I like knowing that he's near. When he had a break in his game, he would rub my leg, and I loved that little acknowledgement of my presence. I'm thankful that we're comfortable enough with each other that we can do our own things while still being together.

And yes, most of my thankful posts this year are going to be about Andrew. Because he's amazing, and I'm thankful for him every day. I'm marrying him in 97 days, so he's on my mind. All the time.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Twelve

Tonight we had FHE at my apartment. We played Rock Band, and since the game is mine, it made sense for me to be there to set everything up. My roommate bought some pizza and we were set to have a grand ol' time.

And then people showed up. There were a couple of people who were fine and just had fun, but there was an entire apartment of giggly, air-headed girls that were flirting with an apartment of tools. I don't mean to be mean or horribly judgmental. I'm sure these people are perfectly fine people. But the combination of personalities there made for an . . . interesting evening, to say the least. Everyone was really loud, and there was one guy who was particularly douchebaggish. I'm sure he thought he was something else, but anyone who calls me "girly" is automatically put on my douchebag list.

Believe it or not, this is leading to something that I am thankful for. Which is the fact that I am leaving student housing and singles' wards forever in a little over three months. I am so thankful that I don't have to deal with the dating game anymore and that soon I won't have to deal with the drama of other people who are dealing with it. I no longer have to worry about who's dating who and who likes who and who has a history with who and who hates who, and I can't tell you just how happy that makes me.

Also, as much as I love my roommates (they're some of the best girls I know), I am so thankful that soon I will have my own place where everything will be mine and Andrew's and we won't have to label food or clean up other people's messes. I can't express just how wonderful that thought is after having spent seven and a half years living in student housing.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Eleven

It is Veteran's Day today, so I feel it only appropriate to be thankful for the brave men and women who have served and currently serve in the military. Those men and women have my utmost respect and admiration, as do their families who support them from home. These are the people who have fought for our freedoms and given their time, talents, and lives to make America what it is today. I'm thankful that there are people out there who are so willing to serve their country and who do so with such dedication.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Ten

Goodness gracious, the weather is bad outside. Andrew and I spent the morning running errands and looking at apartments and stopping by my parents' house and doing various other things that we needed to do. Most of the time that we were driving around Salt Lake, it was snowing. A lot. And I was super glad that Andrew was driving and not me.

After we got back to Orem and relaxed at Andrew's for a little while, we headed down to Provo to meet my brother and sister-in-law. BYU's last home game was tonight, and we were all going together. So after grabbing some food, we bundled up as best we could and headed over to the stadium. It was SO COLD. Holy cow. And snow was still piled up under all the bleachers, so getting to our seats was treacherous. I was slipping and sliding all over the place.

Andrew and I only stayed for the first half. Because by halfway through the second quarter, BYU was beating Idaho 42–7, and I couldn't feel my toes or my face. On our way back to my place, we stopped by the Cocoa Bean and got hot cocoa and cupcakes. It was delicious.

All of this leads to what I am thankful for today, which is a warm house and a roof over my head. I'm so thankful for my working heater and all my blankets and a fiancé who is more than willing to cuddle with me to keep me warm.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Nine

Yesterday was Andrew's birthday, so tonight we are going out to celebrate. We're going to gorge ourselves at Tucanos and then go see the new Bond movie. I've been looking forward to tonight all week, and even the snowy, icky weather won't stop us from going out and enjoying an evening together. (As a side note, I'm also thankful that Andrew is willing to drive tonight. Because I hate driving in the snow.)

So today I am thankful for date night. For a reason to go out and splurge a little bit and just enjoy life. I'm thankful that Andrew and I like to go out and that we do so fairly regularly. There are a lot of things that we like to do, and we enjoy doing them together, and I'm really thankful for that. Relaxing and cuddling at home is nice, but it's also nice to go out on the town once in a while.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Eight

Tonight Andrew and I stopped by the mall so we could pick up his ring. Andrew wanted it engraved with our wedding date and "Always and Forever," which I thought was super sweet. He's just super sweet. My favorite part about that engraving is "Forever." Because it's true. Andrew and I will be getting sealed for time and all eternity in the temple, and I am so thankful for that. I'm thankful that I have the truth of the Gospel and that I will get to be with my family forever.

I'm so thankful that my upcoming marriage to Andrew won't just be for time. Death won't part us. I will get to be with him and grow with him for the rest of eternity, and that thought fills me with warmth and happiness. The children we have will be ours forever. What an amazing blessing.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Seven

Today I'm thankful for my job. In addition to simply being thankful for a full-time, steady job that allows me to take care of my needs, I'm also thankful for my own ability to do my job. I've been with this company for nearly four years, and in that time, my position has shifted and changed as I have gotten more responsibility and learned more about what goes on in the company.

For the rest of this week, I am covering for one of my coworkers who is on vacation. It's stressful work. I don't do it every day, so I'm not completely comfortable with what I am being asked to do, but at the same time, it's nice to know that I have other skills at work that help me contribute more. I'm thankful that I've learned so much here and that I've really been able to make myself an invaluable member of my team. My boss tells me that I can't ever leave KLAS, and while I know she's joking, it's nice to know that I'm appreciated.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Six

I feel the need to start this post with a disclaimer, which is that I am a terrible citizen. I am not voting today because I am not registered. Why am I not registered? The answer is simple: I forgot. That's truly it. I completely forgot until it was too late, and then I was up the creek without a paddle. I am fully aware of my own apparent apathy toward the election this year, so do me the kindness of not judging me too harshly. In my defense, I recently got engaged and have had plenty of other things on my mind.

Despite my own lack of obvious patriotism, I am immensely thankful to live in a country that has an open election that requires its citizens to get involved. I am thankful that I live in a country where I am free to form my own opinions and share them with others. Where I can do something as simple as write on this blog without worrying about whether what I say might get me in trouble. Where I am free to practice my religion and cultivate my beliefs. Where I can have a job and create opportunities for myself.

I know that I often forget about the amazing opportunities I have been given simply by virtue of where I was born. I often take for granted how blessed I am to live in a country whose government allows me to do what I want to do without fear of retribution. What we have here in the United States is truly amazing. So while I dropped the ball this election day, I am thankful for all those who didn't.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Five

Today I am thankful that my wedding planning is going well. Even though I wouldn't mind it if Andrew and I were getting married earlier (being engaged is really no fun because I just want to be married already), I am thankful that we still have three and a half months to get everything figured out. We have a venue, my dress, a florist, and a photographer. Andrew just did the final fitting of his custom-made suit tonight, and it's going to look very good. I'm excited to see how we'll look together on our wedding day.

So while I'm not a huge fan of this wedding planning business, I'm thankful that things are coming along. We have most of the big things figured out, and now we just need to focus on the details. You know, the little things like finding an apartment and budgeting and combining our incomes. Those are just minor things, right?

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Four

I'm afraid that today's thankful post will be a little shallow, but sometimes that's just the way it goes. Today was fast Sunday, and I have church at 1:30 pm. It's always difficult for me to fast that long. I get a little shaky and super hungry. So by the time I got home from church, I was famished. And to help satisfy my hunger, Andrew made some delicious fettucine alfredo. It was so good. And probably really bad for me, but I didn't care.

So today, I am thankful for good food. And for a fiancé who likes to cook and spoils me rotten with how often he cooks for me. Even when we're supposed to be cooking something together, he usually ends up doing most of the work. Because he's a sweetheart like that.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Three

For a couple of reasons, today I am thankful for my education and my steady, full-time job. And to piggyback on that, I am also thankful for Andrew's education and steady, full-time job. We went to look at some apartments this morning, and we drove past a complex that looked nice, so we decided to stop in and check it out. The lady in the office showed us the prices and amenities. After a 10-minute explanation, she finally got around to telling us that it was income-limited housing, which meant that we had to make less than a certain amount in order to live there. Together, Andrew and I will make about double the limit.

While it kind of sucked to be forced to miss out on some nice, affordable apartments, it was also nice to know that Andrew and I have been smart with our money and that we have given ourselves the opportunity to be successful. We should be able to afford a decent apartment, and we won't have to live paycheck to paycheck. That is definitely one of the benefits of waiting until after college to get married.

Another thing that made me thankful for my job was that I bought Andrew's wedding ring today. It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision to get it tonight, but there was a sale, and it worked out best to buy it then. I'm very thankful that I have enough money set aside that I could buy it right then without it breaking me.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Thanksgiving Day Two

Today, I am grateful for the little things that entertain me every day. For instance, Andrew recently got my Wii to connect to the internet. (I've had the Wii for five years now, and I'm just now getting that figured out.) Naturally, I had to go see what kind of fun old-school game were available from the Wii store. And there were plenty, let me tell you. I ended up spending more money than I should have, but I got Super Mario World, Startropics, Super Mario Bros. 3, and Donkey Kong Country.

This may be a goofy thing to be thankful for, but I was so happy to have this little bit of nostalgia. It's nice to have a little goofy fun sometimes.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Thanksgiving Day One

My goodness, I cannot believe it's November already. That's just crazy. Time seems to be dragging and flying all at the same time, and I'm not quite sure how that's possible.

At any rate, November means a solid month of thankful posts! I have countless things to be grateful for right now, so I have more than enough material to do a fourth year of these posts. I have found that it is a great way to remind me to count my blessings and remember all that I have been given.

So today, day one, I am going to start with probably the most obvious thing I am grateful for, and that is my fiancé.

I know I've already gushed about him on my blog before, but this man is so good to me. In everything he does, he shows me that he loves me. I have no doubt about his feelings for me or my feelings for him. I love spending time with him. We don't even have to be doing anything; I just like being near him. He makes me feel safe and secure, and I know that he will always be there for me to help me with whatever I might need. He also makes me laugh all the time, and we have so much fun together.

Andrew had to work last night, so I didn't get to see him yesterday. I always get a little bummed about that, though it was nice to just relax, watch the Jazz game, and attempt to write in my journal. But now I'm anxious to see him again. It may have only been one day, but I missed Andrew. And I'm excited to see him tonight. He means everything to me. I love him more than I thought possible, and I can't say just how thankful I am to have him in my life. I can't wait to marry him in 110 days.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Planning a Wedding

Did you know that planning a wedding is stressful? Well, if you didn't, now you do. I know some girls who think it's really fun, but I'm not one of those girls. Of course I'm excited to create an evening that's all about me and my new husband. Of course I'm excited to choose my colors and create a style for my reception. Of course I'm excited about getting all dolled up and getting amazing pictures taken.

But getting there is a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.

That's mostly because there is an incredible number of things that need to be done and because it is all rather expensive. And because we have to plan one thing in order to know what our budget is for another thing. Did I mention that there's a lot to do? And to coordinate? And to pay for?

But things have progressed this past week. Three major things were crossed off this week:

  1. The temple is booked.
  2. I have a dress!
  3. The venue is reserved. (Which means the food is taken care of. I'm so glad we're not doing it ourselves.)
Yay for making progress! Especially when my dress only cost $300. And it's perfect. Simply perfect. I still can't believe I found a dress that's so perfectly me and what I want for such a good price. And I didn't even get it at some out-of-the-way shop—I got it at David's Bridal. I'm so excited about it, and I can't wait to get it the end of next month. Now I just have to figure out how to accessorize it.

There are still some big expenses that need to be taken care of (like a photographer—you know, just a little thing), but I'm so happy that we are actually making some progress.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Best Weekend of My Life

I know I'm a week and a half late in writing about this, but a proposal story is worth waiting for, right?

Andrew and I had been talking about marriage for a couple of weeks before he proposed. Little did I know that he had already looked at a ring before he even told me that he wanted to get married. He picked the ring out himself because he wanted it to be a surprise (and he made a phenomenal choice). But that meant that for two weeks, he tortured me with the knowledge that he had the ring and that I couldn't see it. To make it even worse, he told me had a picture of the ring on his phone. It took a lot for me not to steal his phone and take a peek.

All of that just made me suspicious of everything. I knew that Andrew had the ring and could propose at any time. But I also knew that his parents were coming down from Washington, and he wanted to tell them in person. So when he asked me if I wanted to drive the Alpine Loop, my first thought was, "He's going to propose." First of all, he planned it a week and a half in advance (we never plan things that far in advance), and he was super concerned about making sure that all of his camera equipment was functioning right so he could take pictures of us without having to set a timer and run into the picture. Plus, it seemed to be good timing with when his parents would be coming down. But, of course, I was never 100% sure, so I kept second-guessing myself.

Sunday morning rolled around. Andrew and I headed up the canyon, and he was nearly silent almost the whole way up. I have come to learn that Andrew gets really quiet when he's nervous, so I couldn't help but be even more suspicious.

I have to say that the colors of the trees were absolutely gorgeous. They were so vivid. Reds and yellows and oranges everywhere. We drove the Alpine Loop and just enjoyed the beauty for a while, and then Andrew pulled off at Cascade Springs. We wandered through the trails for a little while (carrying a bunch of Andrew's camera equipment) until we found a cute little bridge that seemed like a good spot for pictures. After setting his camera up to take pictures every few seconds, Andrew joined me on the bridge.

He didn't even pretend that he wasn't going to propose. He didn't turn and pose for the camera or do anything that would throw me off.

Instead, he pulled out a package of tissues because I had told him I would cry when he proposed. Then he got down on one knee, pulled out something sparkly, and asked me to marry him. I would tell you what he said, but I can't remember exactly because my brain was so full of, "Oh my gosh! This is really happening! Andrew is on one knee asking me to marry him!"

But I didn't forget to say the most important word: Yes.

I was so incredibly happy. But much to my surprise, I didn't cry. Andrew still gives me grief about that. But I can guarantee that he'll get all the tears he wants on our wedding day.

When Andrew stood up and hugged me, I could feel him shaking. He was so nervous even though he knew what my answer would be, and I thought it was the most adorable thing ever. Andrew is so sweet and so good to me.

I can't tell you just how happy I am right now. I am so blessed to have someone who loves me for who I am and who wants to spend the rest of eternity with me. Andrew is wonderful, and I will be eternally grateful that we got put in the same FHE group. Otherwise I might never have found out how amazing he is.

So on February 19, 2013, I will be marrying the man I love for time and all eternity. It's only 132 days away. And I cannot wait.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My Boyfriend Is Better than Your Boyfriend

Because he does things like send me flowers at work during a rather stressful week.

He's the best. Hands down. How did I get to be so lucky?

Monday, September 10, 2012

Dear Cold,

You have been pestering me for nearly a week now. I would very much like to once again be able to breathe through my nose, and this cough that you have so graciously given me is very much unwelcome. I'm tired of popping pills and being reminded of just how much snot my sinuses are capable of producing. Things are getting ridiculous. You need to let me get back to my normal life.


A very tired, frustrated, and stuffy Lindy

Friday, August 31, 2012


Last Saturday, Andrew and I went up to Magna to experience the Magna Arts Festival that takes place on Magna Main Street. Local vendors set up booths up and down the street to sell their wares. While it wasn't exactly the most thrilling festival, it was still fun to wander up and down the street and to show Andrew a little bit of what I grew up with.

Earlier last week, I had looked up a list of activities that were going on during the festival. There would be live bands playing all day, and to my slight dismay, I recognized the names of the first two bands. My ex plays in both of them. Magna Main isn't exactly big, and the prospect of coming face-to-face with my ex after over five years was borderline terrifying. I knew I was over that whole relationship and had been for a while, but knowing that I could possibly talk to the man who wreaked such havoc on my emotional well being for so long was freaking me out a little bit. My main solace was in knowing that if I did end up talking to my ex, I would have my current (and amazing) boyfriend by my side. The boyfriend who is absolutely everything that my ex never was. I wouldn't have to face it alone.

As we were wandering on Saturday, I could hear the music. I could hear the bass. And I was instantly reminded of how many times I had watched Mike perform in gigs. It was a little distracting to be constantly aware of just how close I was to seeing him. Andrew and I wandered down that way after the gig had ended, but when we got close enough to see the stage and the people setting up, Andrew steered me away. I had warned him of the situation, and I don't think he wanted to see Mike any more than I did. Either that or he just sensed my nerves.

But as Andrew and I headed in the opposite direction, my parents caught up to us, and my mom was determined to say hello to Mike. As she marched toward the stage, I held back for a second. And then I realized that I was okay. There was no reason not to talk to Mike. So I stood with Andrew as my mom hailed Mike. He came over. We said hello. We chatted for maybe five minutes.

It was weird.

But not because I suddenly felt a flood of emotions. Not because I was fighting to keep myself under control in the presence of the man who embodies all things that made me terrified of relationships for so long. It was weird because of how little I actually did feel. I looked at Mike, and obviously I recognized him. I recognized the scar on his finger because I was with him when he got it. I understood when he told me his fingers were bleeding from playing bass because I had seen it happen countless times before. I remembered a lot of the things we had done together. I even thought about how I used to feel about him, both the love and the anger. But . . . none of it mattered. He really had become just some guy that I knew a long time ago. (He was also talking like a responsible adult—he's been married for four years and holds a management position. That is definitely not the Mike I knew.)

As I walked away from this situation that I had contemplated for a long time (because every time I went home, I wondered if I would run into him), I thought about just how much I've grown since Mike was a part of my life. I thought about my life right now and how far I've come. I am a college graduate. I have a steady, full-time job in my field of study. I am completely independent, and I take care of myself. I have an amazingly wonderful boyfriend who treats me far, far better than I ever thought a man could be capable of treating a woman. And I am happier now than I think I have ever been.

I didn't realize it, but in going so long without so much as speaking to Mike left me without a full sense of closure. Now that we've crossed paths, I can effectively set aside everything that may have still been lingering. I've seen him face-to-face, and he holds absolutely nothing for me. Nothing. Everything that matters to me is in the here and now, and the past has nothing to do with it except that it led me here. Do you have any idea how wonderful that feels?

Monday, August 20, 2012

Newfound Annoyance

Before I was dating someone, my least favorite questions were, "Are you dating someone?" and "Why not?"

Now that I am dating someone, my least favorite questions are, "Are you engaged yet?" and "When are you getting married?"

It hasn't even been three months, folks. For the love of Pete, let us take things at our own pace.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Seven Days

I just realized today that the Mumford & Sons concert is in a mere week.

This video leads me to believe that it will be epic.

I can't wait.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I will not freak out.

This is a post I wrote back in May, around the time that Andrew first made a move to date me. I find it kind of funny to read now. Anything in brackets [] is my current-day commentary. (Yes, I am aware that I am a dork.)

It truly is incredible how quickly things can change. One thing can change and throw your whole life into turmoil. Okay, so turmoil is a bit dramatic, but it's kind of true.

Here's the low down: A week ago, life was normal. The only minor anomaly was that there was this guy who maybe seemed like he was sort of interested. I will call this boy The Photog. [Bahaha, I love the attempt at anonymity. And the fact that I felt the need to shorten "photographer."] We had been talking about watching a movie or something. It started out as a group thing, and then it somehow managed to get whittled down to a one-on-one thing. But I didn't think too much of it, because pretty much every time I think, "Hey, this guy is flirting a little bit," absolutely nothing happens. Nothing. Ever. That's how lucky I am with the guys.

The day that we were supposed to watch the movie came and went. Stuff came up, and I couldn't do it that night, so we rescheduled. But in the course of rescheduling, I somehow ended up getting invited to go to a barbecue at his friend's house. Alarm bells started clanging right away. Why alarm bells, you ask? Why wasn't I just excited that a cute boy (for he is pretty cute) liked hanging out with me enough that he wanted to take me to a social event? Here's why: It was far too close to a date. It meant something more than simply hanging out. And as soon as that happens, I start freaking out.

The barbecue was . . . interesting. It wasn't a date. He didn't open my doors. He barely even talked. There were so many long pauses. [I have since come to realize that Andrew isn't a major talker. He talks, but he doesn't always feel the need to talk. We still have long pauses. But they're not awkward.] Not to mention that I ended up knowing the guys that were throwing the barbecue, which was a little awkward. [Andrew now lives with those guys and I see them all the time. It is no longer awkward.] It was an all-around weird night that ended with watching the originally planned movie, after which The Photog didn't even walk me home. His roommates watched the movie with us, which made the whole thing just a little odder. As was the theme for the night. [I have since found out that Andrew wanted to make a move that night. From what I gather, he was a mite frustrated with his roommates for not taking a hint.]

I went home mostly just feeling confused. I had no idea what the crap had just happened, mostly. So I wrote it off as a weird night that made for a really good story, and tried not to think about it anymore.

The next night, a few of us went to the hot tub. I didn't invite The Photog. I invited a girlfriend who invited The Photog's roommate, and wouldn't you know it, The Photog joined us. He promptly sat next to me. And there were other things that made me wonder some more about his intentions, which kind of confused me even more because the whole previous night hadn't seemed like a ton of fun. The Photog was again less than chatty all night, and I decided he wasn't really interested. Confusion eliminated.

Until he texted me the next day (Friday) to ask me out for Saturday. Cue louder warning bells and more freaking out. You mean all those little things I noticed and probably blew out of proportion were real? I wasn't making stuff up? He was now asking me on a legitimate date? WHAT THE CRAP. I was so nervous. Here's a fraction of what was going through my mind: Do I like The Photog? Do I want to go out with him? Do I want to date him? Do I want to marry him? Do I want to have his little Photog babies?! [Gotta love having a girl brain. Except no, no you don't. It sucks.] Never mind the fact that it was our first date. Never mind the fact that I had been complaining to my roommates for months about how I just wanted to be asked on a date. By a cute guy. That I could potentially like back. Never mind that everything I said I wanted was actually coming about. I was beginning the freak-out in earnest.

Saturday night came. And the date went well. All those things The Photog didn't do on our non-date were things that he did do on our legit-date. And then some. He was a gentleman; conversation flowed; he complimented me; I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I even left my hand available for hand-holding during the movie, though he didn't take the opportunity. [Andrew told me that he didn't make a move simply because it was our first date. Apparently making a move before going on a date at all is kosher, but making a move on a first date is frowned upon.] I invited him to come in and hang out after the date, though he couldn't. He gave me a really good hug.

And I sort of, kind of, maybe a little bit, started to like him.

I didn't see The Photog on Sunday. He had gone to Moab to use his mad photo-taking skills on the eclipse. So I spent the day filling in all my girlfriends on what was going down. Then on Monday I did my best not to think about him. Not to want him to text me. And eventually, I flat-out forgot about it because I got busy at work. And then, when I wasn't even thinking about whether I would get a text from him, I checked my phone. And I had a text from him. Telling me about his Moab trip. It made my stomach leap into my throat, which then made me feel like a total idiot. [And distracted me so badly that I tried to walk out of Walmart without paying for any of the things in my cart.]

I hung out with him and a bunch of other people on Monday night. I was a little bit awkward, like I sometimes am when I am interested in someone or I think they might be interested in me. I didn't talk to him as much as I should have, or sit as close to him during the movie as I should have. He left, and I wondered what kind of impression I had given. Would he text me again? Would he ask me out again?

This morning, I check Facebook. I have a message. From The Photog. Asking me if I want to go to his place to watch a movie. (Movies are apparently the way to go right now.) We set a time. He offers to buy shakes at Sonic. I accept. It's a pseudo-date. My brain starts thinking about how he could hold my hand tonight. Or cuddle with me. Either of those are real, legitimate possibilities. The Photog is interested—I can't really deny that. And I'm getting interested back. This is something that could happen. It could progress. Getting into a real relationship for the first time in five years is a real, tangible possibility.

I will not freak out. I will not freak out. I will not freak out.

I am so totally freaking out.

*UPDATE* Tuesday night. The Photog and I go to Sonic and get shakes. We bring them back to his place and turn on Harper's Island (because what's a little romance without some serial killers?). [I still legitimately love that we first held hands while watching Harper's Island. It makes me happy inside.] We watch two episodes, arms completely touching, legs resting against each other depending on how I shift my feet on the coffee table. My hand is completely available, and all I can think is, "Photog! Take my hand, dangit!" I even see him look at my hand. Multiple times. [He has since made fun of himself for how long it took him to psych himself up.] He knows what to do—he just has to get up the courage. Then, halfway through episode three, he does. He takes my hand. And it's adorable. He rubs my thumb with his thumb. He lets go and shifts hand positions so that my arm rests on top of his arm and he can rub my arm with his opposite hand. He plays with my fingers and watches our hands together. I can't help but smile. [This is such a detailed story. But it was all so new that everything was burned into my memory.]

Episode three ends, and we disengage so he can start episode four. It starts, and I decide to snuggle in and put my head on his shoulder. As we shift, he lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around me instead. I nestle into the crook of his arm, my hand resting on his chest. He strokes my hand. He smells good.

Episode four ends, and I sit up because I really need to go home and go to sleep. He walks me home. At my door, I go in for the hug, and he kisses me on the cheek. He gives me a squeeze, and as we pull out of the hug, we look at each other, and he goes in for the kiss. I kiss him back. It's short and sweet, and he pulls away before I'm quite ready for him to. My hand slides down his arm, and we hold hands for a second as I say, "I'll see you later." He smiles a very self-satisfied smile [he looked so proud of himself], says "See you," and walks away.

I get a text 10 minutes later: "Good night ;)"

My five-year drought is officially over.

I am so totally freaking out.

Three days later, we were officially a couple. I know it's a little campy to post something like this, and I'm sorry for the length, but I ran across the draft today, and I thought it was kind of funny to remember just how nerve racking this was for me. You will all be happy to know that I am no longer freaking out.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I Will Wait

Listen to this song, friends. Don't ask questions. Just listen.

Ah, Mumford & Sons, how I love thee. There are a mere 15 days until I see them live, and 48 days until their new album Babel is released. This girl is a happy girl.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Amazing much?

Remember how in my last post I said that Andrew was making me a second birthday present? Well, he finished it. I was doubly excited to see him yesterday because I hadn't seen him on Monday (because he was working on my present) and because I would finally get to see this mystery gift.

It's a journal. That Andrew bound with his own hands. Just for me. That in and of itself is a ridiculously thoughtful gift, what with how much I love journals. But you see that cover? It's a Beatles record. "Hey Jude," to be exact. And the back cover? It's "Abbey Road." They are actual Beatles records that Andrew cut down for the cover. That may seem like blasphemy to some (and I would usually be in that camp), but this is so bloody cool that I just can't bring myself to be sad about it.

So this is the kind of thing that Andrew does for me. He is so good to me, and I just can't help but brag about him. Because he deserves it. I don't know how I got to be so lucky.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Quarter of a Century

Well, friends, I am now 25 years old. And let me tell you, the prospect of this birthday was not happy for me. For some reason, 25 just felt old. Which is ridiculous, I know. When people tell me that they're 25, my first thought is never, "Holy cow, that is super old." My first thought is actually something along the lines of, "Sweet! Someone my age!" But when it came time for me to turn 25, it felt old.

But I have to say that the five days I have been 25 have been kind of awesome. I have incredible friends, an incredible family, and an incredible boyfriend who helped me forget that 25 felt old and mostly just made me feel loved.

Brittany heart attacked my mirror. Someone heart attacked our apartment door. My boss decorated my desk and gave me banana bread. While I was at work, Brittany decorated our living room. (Did I mention that Brittany is probably the sweetest person I know? No? Well, she is.) Andrew took me out to a wonderful dinner.

And that was just my birthday itself. Can I brag a little bit about how amazing my boyfriend is? Let me chronicle everything Andrew did for me last week. Monday: Took me mini golfing and bought me ice cream. Tuesday: Gave me Batman Begins and The Dark Knight on blu-ray because he couldn't wait one more day to give me my present. Wednesday: Took me out to a nice restaurant and then gave me ice cream while we watched The Dark Knight. Thursday: Took me to see The Dark Knight Rises and bought me a bunch of movie snacks. Friday: Made me dinner (which is a regular occurrence). Saturday: Bought me a smoothie and took me shooting (though admittedly, I was a little tired, ornery, and whiney and didn't shoot much). And he can't stop talking about the other birthday present that he's going to make me (yes, make) that will be a little late because he doesn't have all the supplies yet. Does anyone else think I'm a little bit spoiled? Andrew treats me far better than I deserve. He's basically the best boyfriend ever.

In addition to all of that, my family had a little party for me on Saturday. Everyone but one sick nephew and his mom were there, including Cora, Jamie, and Andrew. I got presents and food, and we had fun talking and simply enjoying one another's company.

The whole week of my birthday was pretty awesome. My life is so good right now. It's such a nice change of pace after expending so much energy complaining about the things that I didn't have before. It wasn't that I wasn't happy; I was just frustrated about things. But as of right now, this very second, I am happy. So happy. I'm so incredibly blessed.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I Like Lists

10 things in 2012
1. Lose those last pesky 8 pounds to finally hit my goal
2. Keep the weight that I've already lost off
3. Cook more often
4. Continue to be social in my ward (even after getting a boyfriend)
5. Figure out how to be in a relationship (I still don't really know what I'm doing)
6. Be happy
7. Not stress too much about the future
8. Be more open
10. Enjoy life

9 things i enjoy
1. Music
2. Books
3. Sleep
4. Cuddling with Andrew
5. Movies
6. TV shows
7. Shoes
8. Concerts
9. Rain

8 things i do everyday
1. Listen to music
2. Read
3. Sing
4. Chew gum
5. Check Facebook (unfortunately)
6. Put on makeup
7. Text someone
8. Think of Andrew (Cheesy, I know, but true. I'm honestly still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I have a boyfriend at all.)

7 musicians i like
1. The Civil Wars
2. The Black Keys
3. The Avett Brothers
4. Mumford & Sons
5. Cold War Kids
6. Adele
7. The Beatles

6 things that will always win my heart
1. Sense of humor
2. Chivalry 
3. Sweetness
4. Masculinity
5. A good kiss
6. Being held

5 favorite things
1. Book: The Chaos Walking series.
2. Movie: Oh geez . . . let's say The Avengers for right now because I've been itching to see it again.
3. Song: Right this moment, I'll say "Roll Away Your Stone" by Mumford & Sons.
4. Food: Anything Italian or Hawaiian.
5. Season: Fall—you can't beat jacket weather and football season.

4 smells i enjoy
1. Andrew's good boy smell
2. Baking bread
3. Brand new books
4. Rain

3 places i want to go
1. England
2. Italy
3. Germany

2 favorite holidays
1. Christmas
2. Thanksgiving

1 person i'd marry on the spot
1. Robert Downey, Jr. I don't care that he's old enough to be my dad.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

How Things Change

A few years ago, I took a test to see my strengths and weaknesses. I then wrote this blog post detailing the results of said test. After running across this post today, I decided to take the test again to see if things have changed. They have shifted some, and I think it's interesting.

Top 5 Strengths:

  1. Appreciation of beauty and excellence
  2. Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
  3. Curiosity and interest in the world
  4. Gratitude
  5. Zest, enthusiasm, and energy
Bottom 5 Weaknesses:
  1. Kindness and generosity
  2. Leadership
  3. Industry, diligence, and perseverance
  4. Self-control and self-regulation
  5. Modesty and humility
Some things dropped out of my top five completely. Other things jumped up from the bottom. Yet other things changed position within the top or bottom five. I did my best to be brutally honest with myself when taking this test because I wanted real results. I don't think the results are perfect, but it's pretty uncanny how well it pegs me.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Random Music Moment

I'm bored. So here's a little music moment. These are the next twenty songs that come on my iPod. It's on shuffle, and I am playing my "Car Tunes" playlist, which basically excludes all of my instrumental music and soundtracks and any crappy music I may have.
  1. "My Father's Father" by the Civil Wars, Barton Hollow
  2. "Last Beautiful Girl" by Matchbox Twenty, Mad Season
  3. "God's Been Good to Me" by Keith Urban, Be Here (Holy crap! Country! This is my iPod, right?)
  4. "Sad Song" by Christina Perri, Lovestrong.
  5. "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)" by the Beatles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
  6. "Better Life" by Keith Urban, Be Here
  7. "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson, HIStory: Greatest Hits, Vol. 1
  8. "Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise" by the Avett Brothers, I and Love and You
  9. "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles, Little Voice
  10. "Call and Answer" by Barenaked Ladies, Disc One: All Their Greatest Hits
  11. "What Am I to You?" by Norah Jones, Feels Like Home
  12. "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie, Classic Queen
  13. "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons, Sigh No More
  14. "The Only Exception" by Paramore, Brand New Eyes
  15. "I Came Here to Get Over You" by Brandon Flowers, Flamingo
  16. "Humble Me" by Norah Jones, Feels Like Home
  17. "Either Way" by Guster, Lost and Gone Forever
  18. "Cecilia" by Simon & Garfield, Greatest Hits
  19. "Cold as Stone" by Lady Antebellum, Own the Night
  20. "You Can't Do That" by the Beatles, A Hard Day's Night
And there you have it. A glimpse into my everyday musical life. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

The Summer of Concerts

This summer has officially become a celebration of ridiculously awesome bands that I am more than willing to drop some cash on to see live. We all know I'm a giant fan of concerts, and this summer has only solidified that fandom. For the reals, people, there's nothing like seeing a good band live.

Concert #1: The Black Keys. May 3.

I didn't know all of the Black Keys' music, but I loved what I did know, so I thought, hey? Why not go to their concert? Cora and I had a blast. This was some serious dance music that got me movin' and groovin', despite my obvious lack of rhythm.

And here is a video (I apologize for poor quality—I had no wi-fi when I uploaded this from my phone):

Concert #2: The Civil Wars. May 24.

One of my favorite. bands. ever. And they did not disappoint live. They were incredible. Who knew that two people and a guitar could be so bloody awesome? But they were. I loved every second of that concert, and was quite sad that it didn't last longer. I sang myself hoarse and had a grand time with Cora, Aaron, and Roxanne.

And another video (one of five that I took, and I would have taken more if my arms hadn't gotten tired):

Concert #3: The Avett Brothers. June 28.

My sister and brother-in-law introduced me to the Avett Brothers, so it was only fitting that Cora and I attended the concert with them. It was outside, and it was a beautiful night in downtown Salt Lake with the sunset reflecting off the glass in the buildings surrounding us. And boy, do the Avett Brothers put on a show! It was so upbeat and fun, and they did a lot to get the crowd involved, which is always fun. They played for nearly two hours, and I loved every second of it.

No video here. I was enjoying myself too much to hold my phone up for an entire song. Kind of regretting that now, but oh well.

And there is more exciting news on the concert front. On Friday, tickets went on sale for a band that I very much enjoy listening to. And I just went ahead bought me some tickets.

Concert #4: Mumford & Sons. August 22.

Here's the thing: Mumford & Sons is a British band. They don't make it to the US very often, so when I saw that they had a tour coming up, I had little hope that they would play in Utah. Sure enough, the closest concert was in California. So I resigned myself to my fate of not seeing them live anytime soon.

And then I got an email from a website I belong to that tracks your favorite bands and lets you know when bands are playing near you. When I saw "Mumford & Sons" in the subject line, I assumed it would be a Nevada or another California show. Imagine my shock when I opened it up and saw Magna, Utah, listed there. That's right, folks—not only is Mumford & Sons playing in Utah, but they are playing IN MY HOMETOWN. In little ol' Magna, out in the middle of nowhere. At the Great Saltair, right on the lake. Could this get any cooler?! I submit that it could not.

So on August 22, I will be jumping up and down like a maniac to Mumford & Sons and relishing summer concert #4. And this time, I will actually take my boyfriend with me, instead of leaving him at home while I go off and do my thing.

Basically, this has already been the best. summer. ever., and the awesome just keeps on giving.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Interesting. Very interesting.

First of all, my vacation was fabulous. Excluding the day when my parents' rental care got broken into and two iPads, a Kindle, an iPhone, and a credit card were stolen. Not a good day. But the rest of the trip was wonderful and much needed. I loved spending time with my family, even though my nieces and nephews are crazy. Adorable, but crazy.

I was so happy to get home. And then, the night I got back to Provo, I dropped my phone in the toilet. Yes. That really happens, people, so watch out. I had to buy a new phone this morning, which sucked. A whole lot. But I will survive, and at least I now have another functioning phone. And most of my stuff was backed up, so I didn't even really lose anything. Hooray.

This post was not intended to be an update, however. I've just been thinking about some things lately. Ever since I started dating Andrew, I've been thinking about how interesting the whole situation is. I have been hanging out with Andrew since about January, when his apartment was put in my apartment's FHE group. Our apartments starting hanging out more and more, and we became good friends. I remember telling my roommates that I could see myself crushing on Andrew, but I never really let it develop.

So when Andrew suddenly started paying me more attention and asking me out the middle of May, it totally caught me off guard. I hadn't been looking in his direction at all at that point. There was none of the flirting and the wondering if he liked me and the agonizing over the minute details of our time together. And then he kept asking me out. And then he held my hand. And then he kissed me. He took everything out of my hands, which made things super easy for me. I didn't make any effort with him—I was simply myself. I didn't try to get him to make a move, I didn't play any games, I didn't spend my time wondering why he wasn't doing anything. When he first asked me out, I wasn't sure if I liked him. But then he swooped in with the full force of his gentlemanly charm and convinced me that he was worth it. And it worked.

It's such a stark contrast to everything with Der Junge. I did everything I could think of to get Der Junge to ask me out, barring simply telling him (because I'm chicken liver). I worked at that for months. And I would get so excited at the slightest sign of interest and so devastated at any sign of disinterest. I put so much effort into the possibility of a relationship, and it got me absolutely nowhere. It was incredibly frustrating.

So Andrew gets major kudos. He made the effort. He decided he wanted to be with me and he made it happen. In my mind, that is honest to goodness how things went down. And guess what? I am happy. I may have had my minor freak-outs because I wasn't sure if I was ready for a relationship, but I got over it. I'm having fun, and it's wonderful. This is how guys need to act in the dating world: Man up, ask a girl out, and convince her that you're worth her time. I'm not saying it will work every time, but hey, it worked for Andrew, so why couldn't it work for others too?

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Life Is Funny

This will be a short post, but I have a couple of updates. And while I'm sure barely anybody ever reads my blog, I still feel obligated to keep it at least marginally up to date.

First of all, the Civil Wars concert was INCREDIBLE. I am two for two for awesome concerts this summer (the first being the Black Keys). I love Joy Williams and John Paul White. They were so awesome, and so cute and funny on stage. They sound just as good live as they do recorded. I was completely entranced by their music the whole night. I have pictures and video that will hopefully one day make it onto the interwebs, but that probably won't be for a while, seeing as how crazy busy I am right now. They will come, though, I swear.

Second, I leave for California at the butt crack of dawn the day after tomorrow. Woo hoo! I still have a zillion and a half things to do before then, but then I will be off for ten straight days of vacation. I am so excited, and I need this so badly. A break from life will be wonderful.

And third, but certainly not last or least or whatever else it may be, I started dating someone*. That's right, folks, the five-year drought is over! His name is Andrew. I kind of like him.

*No, he is not the guy I've written about on the blog before. That guy is a doofus and never made a move. Andrew made all the right moves and didn't play any games. Therefore, he wins.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I'm Going Crazy

There are 16 days until my family and I leave for California. As exciting as that is, I feel like I'm going out of my mind in preparation for it. Work is especially stressful right now. Here is a list of some of the things that I have done or still have to get done before I leave:

  • end-of-the-month editing rush
  • researcher grades (I have to get them done early, during [or before] the aforementioned rush)
  • train on and start tracking researcher grades
  • promptly ask a coworker to track some of the grades because I will be gone when they are due
  • plan an editing training session so I don't have to do it the day I get back
  • get my absence from the all-hands meeting approved
  • report grades (this is more something I want to get done because they've been sitting in my inbox for over a month)
I know most of that doesn't make sense to anyone else. But it basically means that I have a whole lot of shiz to get done the next couple of weeks. And this is all on top of some new responsibilities that I've been getting used to the past little while (like one-on-one follow-up sessions and even a presentation for another team).

I have also found myself with something to do every single night this week. I have had almost no time to just relax and chill. Granted, most of what is keeping me busy has been fun, and I love hanging out with my friends. But I also need some downtime. Especially so I can finish this book I'm reading that's really super exciting. I need me time.

I'm also waiting for this weekend when I get paid and when my credit card turns over so that I can finally go and buy some things that I need for the trip, like new shorts and a new swimsuit and some little odds and ends. After putting over $1,000 on my credit card in two weeks (hooray for car repairs), I basically had no money left for anything else. A pay day is much needed.

I've been keeping a running list of things that I need to remember to take with me on the trip, and it's surprisingly long. So many gadgets and their chargers. I'm terrified that I'm going to forget something that I really need.

But I guess I shouldn't complain. All of this prep work will be 100% worth it when I finally find myself in Disneyland, playing with my nieces and nephew and laughing with my parents and siblings. Not to mention that squeezed in the middle of the madness is the Civil Wars concert next week (is it really just next week? Holy cow . . . the three months since I bought my tickets have flown by).

Basically, I'm super ready for all the prep part to be done and to be on my way to 10 days of sun and fun and no work and maybe a little bit of magic.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Avengers

I have seen The Avengers twice now. Yes, it did just come out on Friday. Why would I see it twice already, you ask? Here are some legitimate reasons:

a) It is hilarious. Tony Stark is my favorite, because he gets most of the zingers, but everyone gets a chance to be funny.

b) The special effects are kind of really awesome. I mean, the Hulk finally looks believable.

c) All the actors worked incredibly well together. They had great on-screen chemistry, and their bickering and fighting were fantastic. (Yes, I did like the infighting. It was believable, okay? And it made the point when they finally come together that much sweeter.) Basically, all the casting combined worked super, super well.

d) And, most importantly, it meant I got to look at some incredibly attractive men for two and a half hours. Look at these guys. Seriously, just look for a second.

 What this picture doesn't show is how incredibly taut this man's booty is.

 Arms. Good arms.

I seriously just love this man to bits and pieces. He has a good face, too.

The arms, people! Look at the arms!!

All together, in one movie. And Mark Ruffalo is no slouch either.

And there you have it, friends. The four main reasons to go see this movie. If you're a guy, disregard the last reason, obviously, and replace it with Scarlet Johansson. I don't much like her (as an actor), but she's kind of smoking hot. If you're a girl, look at these pictures, drool a little, and then go see the menfolk in action. Totally worth it.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Counting Down

Some reasons this summer will be awesome:
  1. Two days until the Black Keys concert.
  2. Twenty-four days until the Civil Wars concert.
  3. Thirty-three days until I go to California for ten whole days.
  4. Fifty-nine days until the Avett Brothers concert.
  5. Seventy-nine days until I turn twenty-five. (I'm not quite sure yet if that's awesome, but I'll pretend it is.)
And that's just what I have planned right now. I'm sure there will be more countdowns in my near future.

p.s. Can anyone tell me why I've had an alarming number of page views from Russia lately? Even more than from the United States. I'm not sure what to think of that.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Life's Changes (or lack thereof)

As of a week ago, this was my plan:

I was moving out of Carriage Cove in August (hooray!). I had three friends to move with, and we were going to find a condo or a house somewhere, preferably south Provo. I had signed a spring/summer extension for CC, which meant I would have awesomely cheap rent for four months. And since I had just paid off my car, I would have loads of extra cash I could use for playing. And saving. I would have four months of summer, during which I could keep myself from caring about the new boys, because I would soon be leaving. I could simply enjoy myself and not worry about whether there was any interest there. I would be moving soon to a new ward full of new guys and new girls and new social circles and new everything. Change would be abundant, and I was thrilled about that.

It's amazing how much can change in a mere week. Here are my current plans:

I am staying in CC through next April. That's eight months longer than I anticipated, giving me another solid year in this place (sigh). By the time this new contract is up, I will have lived at CC for three years and eight months. Since my contract is now April to April, the price of my summer rent went up. It's the price I'm used to paying, but not the price I was expecting to pay. I will still have plenty of cash for playing, but not quite as much as I was hoping to have. This does mean that I get to continue to be Cora and Brittany's roommate (minus the summer, since Cora is leaving me to live with her aunt. She somehow thinks free rent, utilities, and groceries is cooler than paying rent for the summer. Something about how saving money is important. Rubbish, in my opinion).

I'm very conflicted about this decision. I will have you know that staying in CC is the absolute right decision for me right now. The Lord kind of walloped me upside the head by making my original plans fall to pieces. Here's the problem: I don't want to stay. At all. I've loved most of my time at CC, and I have met some incredible people here. The apartments are nice enough, I have my own room, and the pool/hot tub setup is pretty sweet. But I've been here for nearly three years, and another year feels like an eternity. I graduated from BYU in 2008, and I am ready to be out of student housing. The boys don't date. Well, not me, anyway. And they're young. Lots of people here are young. I'm now one of those older people that people reference when they say, "Yeah, there are a few older people in my ward."

The bottom line is that I am craving change. I need it so bad right now. I thought my life was going to take a major turn for the better, and I was so looking forward to it. But now my life has course corrected to the exact same route I was hoping to leave. Why does the Lord insist upon keeping me at CC? What is it that I am supposed to learn from this place?

I have so many thoughts and feelings bobbing around my head:

  • When signing my new contract, I felt the need to choose the one that would be the easiest to sell if that became necessary. 
  • I feel like CC and my current job are inseparably connected. 
  • I refuse to allow myself to think that the reason I'm still here is because of a boy. 
  • Part of me is hoping that Der Junge is the kind of guy who refuses to date in his own ward, so now that he's moving out, he'll realize he misses me and make a move. 
  • I have this nagging suspicion that come next April, my life will be exactly the same as it is now.
  • Our current relief society president is moving out in August. I don't want to think about what that could mean for me.
I don't know if any of these thoughts actually mean something or if I'm trying to impose my own meaning on this incongruous decision I have made. Whatever the case, I'm simply hoping that there will come a time when I understand why I had to do this. I am going to do my best not to complain. Complaining doesn't leave much room for faith, and I refuse to resent the Lord for guiding me in the direction that's best for me. Because this will be best for me. I don't know how or why, but the Lord does, and I have to believe that.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Doors Are Hard

You know what never fails to be awkward? When you push open a door from one side at the exact same time that someone else pulls it open from the other side.

Especially when that other person is a guy who's a foot taller than me and I nearly collide with his chest.

Did I mention that he's an attractive guy and that I wouldn't mind if he asked me out?

Yep. Awkward for sure.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Sad, Sad Day

This post is about a month late, but that doesn't make it any less of a sad post.

About a month ago, Sherwood posted a blog about how they just can't make the band work anymore. The members are all over the country with their own families now, and trying to make more music was just too hard to coordinate. Which is all understandable.

But this means Sherwood is no more.

Anyone who has known me the past few years knows that I am a huge Sherwood fan. I've been to six of their shows. My living room is adorned with signed and framed memorabilia. I have three t-shirts and a hoodie. I have multiple photo albums dedicated to Sherwood shows on Facebook. I have introduced many people to the awesomeness that is Sherwood's music. So it stands to reason that this news saddened me greatly.

I had been eagerly awaiting news of the new album that Sherwood had been working on. I had been hoping to hear that there would be a summer tour to promote the new album. It has been a year and a half since I've been to a Sherwood concert, and I was feeling the loss. But now, neither of those things will happen. Sherwood has broken up, and I will never again have the thrill of a new album from one of my very favorite bands. My last hope is that they will put together one last farewell tour.

Despite my sadness, I want to thank Sherwood for three awesome albums and six incredible shows. Some of the most fun I've had recently has been at Sherwood concerts. I loved singing until my voice was gone and jumping up and down like a maniac. I loved getting to go up on stage and sing backup for a song. I loved getting t-shirts and CDs signed. I loved talking to the guys in the band.

My first Sherwood show in October of 2008 was only the second concert I had ever gone to. Since then, I have been to somewhere in the neighborhood of ten more. They helped me discover the joy of seeing my favorite bands live. I never knew that going to concerts would be my favorite thing to do, but Sherwood helped me realize that.

So thank you, Sherwood. You're awesome, and you will always and forever be one of my favorite bands.

And now, links to all the blog posts I've written about Sherwood, just to chronicle just how deep my love of them went. (You're not obligated to look at all of them. There are kind of a lot.)

The concert where I sang backup.
Concert number five.
The one at Studio 600.
The post where I anticipate the show at Studio 600.
Music videos are super awesome.
The one where I'm in their video.
The first of two concerts in a month.

And for your viewing pleasure, the music video for "You Are."