Why is it that right after I feel really good and really optimistic about something, I crash and burn? Take the past week, for instance. I have been super social. More social than is usual for me. My roommates and I threw an incredibly successful party for the BYU football season opener. It was quite an impressive event. We had food on every surface, pretty much, and upwards of 25 people showed up to watch the game and eat. It was a blast. I had fun with people I already knew, and I got to know some people I didn't already know. I flirted with boys. I identified new boys I wanted to flirt with. I got to talk about football—a lot. So yeah, it was successful.
I also talked to a lot of people at church on Sunday. I actually felt comfortable saying hi to people and chatting. Again, that's not usually the norm for me. I went to ward prayer. I invited people over to my place. We watched Brian Regan and had a good time. I flirted some more. I was outgoing.
So why do I suddenly feel like I'm failing at having a social life? Why is it that two days after having a good time with a lot of fun people and making some new friends, I feel like I don't know anyone but my roommates? Why do I feel like I must have been stupid for thinking that anyone would want to flirt with me (even though I'm pretty dang sure at least one guy was flirting this weekend)?
This is a wee little insight into my very complex and ridiculous brain. Things are going well for me this semester (disregarding the fact that I don't really live by semesters anymore). I like the new mix in my ward. I like the new people, girls and guys alike. I've been social and made an effort to make myself known. I may have even found myself a new crush. Despite all that, I feel like I'm failing in some way. Because I'm not hanging out with cute boys (or any boys) right this moment, I'm not being social enough.
Maybe that one year at Bountiful Court when there were always at least four guys in my apartment at all times spoiled me. I apparently have this idea in my brain that I need to have some fixtures in my apartment. I need guys who just come over because they like my roommates and me and want to spend time with us. Even if there's no romantic interest, they like hanging out, and I don't feel like I have to entertain them. If I don't have this kind of relationship with any of the guys in my ward, apparently my brain convinces me that I'm a failure.
I think my brain might hate me.
1 comment:
I agree totally Lindy. You can do a bunch, and meet a bunch of awesome people, but then it still doesn't feel like enough or that you're social. Keep it up Lindy! I think one key is to remember that people are generally nice (especially church members). Boys may start to visit, and they may not, which can be hard. But, having those friends makes such a difference, even if they don't hang out all the time. Hope your "semester" continues to go great, especially with more BYU Football victories!!
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