Dear Cold,

You have been pestering me for nearly a week now. I would very much like to once again be able to breathe through my nose, and this cough that you have so graciously given me is very much unwelcome. I'm tired of popping pills and being reminded of just how much snot my sinuses are capable of producing. Things are getting ridiculous. You need to let me get back to my normal life.

Love,

A very tired, frustrated, and stuffy Lindy

Sad, Sad Day

This post is about a month late, but that doesn't make it any less of a sad post.

About a month ago, Sherwood posted a blog about how they just can't make the band work anymore. The members are all over the country with their own families now, and trying to make more music was just too hard to coordinate. Which is all understandable.

But this means Sherwood is no more.

Anyone who has known me the past few years knows that I am a huge Sherwood fan. I've been to six of their shows. My living room is adorned with signed and framed memorabilia. I have three t-shirts and a hoodie. I have multiple photo albums dedicated to Sherwood shows on Facebook. I have introduced many people to the awesomeness that is Sherwood's music. So it stands to reason that this news saddened me greatly.

I had been eagerly awaiting news of the new album that Sherwood had been working on. I had been hoping to hear that there would be a summer tour to promote the new album. It has been a year and a half since I've been to a Sherwood concert, and I was feeling the loss. But now, neither of those things will happen. Sherwood has broken up, and I will never again have the thrill of a new album from one of my very favorite bands. My last hope is that they will put together one last farewell tour.

Despite my sadness, I want to thank Sherwood for three awesome albums and six incredible shows. Some of the most fun I've had recently has been at Sherwood concerts. I loved singing until my voice was gone and jumping up and down like a maniac. I loved getting to go up on stage and sing backup for a song. I loved getting t-shirts and CDs signed. I loved talking to the guys in the band.

My first Sherwood show in October of 2008 was only the second concert I had ever gone to. Since then, I have been to somewhere in the neighborhood of ten more. They helped me discover the joy of seeing my favorite bands live. I never knew that going to concerts would be my favorite thing to do, but Sherwood helped me realize that.

So thank you, Sherwood. You're awesome, and you will always and forever be one of my favorite bands.

And now, links to all the blog posts I've written about Sherwood, just to chronicle just how deep my love of them went. (You're not obligated to look at all of them. There are kind of a lot.)

The concert where I sang backup.
Concert number five.
The one at Studio 600.
The post where I anticipate the show at Studio 600.
Music videos are super awesome.
The one where I'm in their video.
The first of two concerts in a month.

And for your viewing pleasure, the music video for "You Are."

What if . . .

Day Thirty-Eight: Something you always wonder "what if . . . " about.

Oh man, there are so many of these. But there is one that generally comes to mind first. First, I must apologize that this, once again, hails back to my ex. What is the deal with this blog challenge? Why does it keep bringing up bad memories? My goodness. I'm really not hung up on this, I promise. It just happens to be what applies to a lot of these topics.

My main "what if" is this: What if I had let my first breakup with The Ex stick instead of getting back together with him? How would the rest of my senior year and my first two years of college been different? Would I have dated other guys? Would I have saved myself two and a half years of emotional turmoil?

Well, I can tell you that the last two probably would have been true. I wouldn't have had to go through everything that transpired after high school, which was a lot. My senior year of high school was hard enough, and I made everything worse on myself by not accepting the fact that my boyfriend had broken up with me. Instead, I dogged his footsteps. I made sure I was where he was as often as I could, which was easy, since we had a ton of classes together and were in the musical. I guess I eventually wore him down and we ended up dating again. And that is the worst mistake I made in the whole sordid affair. I still wish I had just let it go. 

But I didn't, and there are scadwads of things that I learned about life and myself and relationships because of that decision. And I'm truly grateful for all of those lessons I learned and how they have helped me the past few years. Getting over things was hard, but it was worth it to get where I am today. I'm truly happy with myself and the things I've accomplished. I have many things yet to do and to learn, but I have made so much progress already.

Giving Thanks Day 28: Roommates

Tonight was not a good night for me. Nothing bad really happened, but I was incredibly discouraged. I simply felt that nothing I did was good enough. I felt wholly inadequate in everything I was trying to do. Over the last couple of weeks, I have given a dear friend scadwads of advice, and I didn't feel like any of it had done any good. I think the discouragement there was fueled by the fact that I knew it was time to back off. I can't make decisions for people, and I know that.

I was also discouraged because I felt like nothing I was doing on the boy front was helping me either. I have been more social this semester than I ever have been before. I have a lot of really good friends in my ward, and I try to spend as much time as I can with them. I have even created a bit of a reputation for myself because I always invite a bunch of people over to watch BYU basketball and football. I know of one person in the ward who views my apartment in conjunction with Kira and Heather's apartment as the "social hub" of the ward (whatever that means, exactly). Basically, I am so involved in this ward that I know a vast majority of the people in it and they know me. So why in the world are no guys asking me out?! It's not like they don't know who I am.

So...yeah. I am a very frustrated and discouraged Lindy tonight. But one good thing about it is that I have plenty of people I can talk to, three of whom are easily accessible, mostly because they live with me. I am so incredibly thankful that I have such fabulous roommates. I honestly don't know how I lucked out so thoroughly. Alison, Brittany, Cora, and I get along swimmingly, and even the addition of Alison's boyfriend Russ hasn't messed anything up. (He's a quite entertaining guy to talk to, actually.) I mostly talked to Brittany tonight, and she was so good about just listening and doing what she could to make me feel better. After talking to her, I actually made some decisions about things, which made me feel better about life in general. I'm so thankful that I'm lucky enough to live with these girls because they are incredible.

Cora looking fabulous, as always. 

Alison doing service (with a couple of other really awesome girls). 

Brittany fishing like a pro.

Giving Thanks Day 17: Sleep

I am absolutely exhausted today. On Tuesday night, I managed to get myself into bed before midnight. It was awesome. The eight hours of sleep was just what I needed. That was the first time in I don't know how long that I had actually gotten to sleep before midnight. I thought I would continue it last night, but alas, I didn't get to bed until 1:30. Yeah, I'd say that's a little after midnight.

After all the stress of things both personal and work related this week, today was a rough day. My brain was mush. I had to read everything four times before the words on the screen finally had some semblance of meaning. My tired brain and my tired eyes conspired against me. You know it's especially bad when co-workers are asking you if you're okay.

You know how you never fully appreciate something until it's gone? Well, for that reason, today I appreciate sleep. I have had far less of it than I should have had lately, and I'm thankful that I am not doing anything else tonight, which means that if I'm smart, I will get to bed at a decent time. And if I can do that, I know I'll be doubly thankful tomorrow morning for the sleep I get tonight.

This is what I wanted to be doing at work today.

Giving Thanks Day 14: The Priesthood

That issue I mentioned yesterday hasn't gone away. And it probably isn't going to go away for a little while yet. Tonight I became extremely concerned for the well being of a couple of people. (I'm sorry if this starts sounding super cryptic. It's not intended—it's just not a situation that everyone needs to know about.) I was very stressed, and there was nothing I could do to fix that, so all I wanted to do was get out of my apartment. Throughout FHE, my friend Jordan simply noticed that I was having a rough time. After FHE, he said, "I'm going to go get a Mountain Dew. You wanna come?" I said yes gladly. Any excuse to get out was a good excuse.

I had a good chat with Jordan, and as I was coming home, Kira, Heather, Alison, and Kira's friend Clint were leaving my apartment to get some food. Kira invited me to go with, and I, again, gladly accepted. We drove around for half an hour, just talking. Then I went to Kira and Heather's and talked some more. I was so anxious about things that I was freaking out a little bit.

While it would have been just fine if Kira and Heather had simply talked to me and let me air out my feelings, they did so much more than that. Kira called people who needed to know what was going on so that something could actually be done about the situation. Then Heather asked me if I needed a blessing. I wasn't sure if I did or not, but Kira basically said, "It can't hurt," and called my friend Adam to come over.

This was the first time I had ever gotten a blessing from someone other than my dad or my brothers. Since I live so close to home, I've never really called on the elders in my wards to help me out when I've been in trouble. The truth is, I've never been entirely comfortable with that. But after Adam came over, talked to me about the issue, gave me a priesthood blessing, and gave me a hug, I knew that everything was going to be okay. My panic abated and I could feel the Spirit comforting me.

I am so incredibly thankful for the power of the priesthood and for the men who are worthy to hold that power. I am so thankful that there are such amazing men in my ward that I can call on in times of need. The best part about tonight was that I knew Adam wasn't the only one on the list of brethren who would have come over to give me a blessing. I can think of seven or eight other guys that would have helped me out. The priesthood is such an amazing blessing in my life, and I'm so thankful that I have such easy access to its power anytime I need it.

This is how I feel today:

BLAAAARRRRGGGHHHH.

Can I just go away? For like a month? Would everyone be all right with that? Because that's really what I want to do right now.

Maybe I'll just find a hole somewhere and disappear. Sounds pretty good to me.

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Why?

That's the worst part. Nothing legitimate. Besides the fact that absolutely nobody showed up to the activities committee meeting we were supposed to have. I must have confused the dates. I just must have.

As of today, my life can be summed up in one word:

FRUSTRATION.

With pretty much everything. Provo. Boys. My calling. Some things at work. 

I think I need to get out, go away, disappear for a little while. Maybe spend a weekend in Magna, or take a couple of days off work to clear my head.

Whatever I end up doing, it's starting with ice cream for dinner.

So Bloody Frustrating

Day 22: A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

This is kind of a hard one. You see, I haven't really been hurt lately, per se. This could be attributed to the lack of action on the guy front, or to the fact that I have good enough relationships with my girlfriends that we don't really have drama. Whatever the case, my life has lacked hurtful exchanges lately, and I'm going to just go ahead and call that a good thing.

I have, however, been frustrated out of my head by someone recently, so that's where this post is going to go.

Dear Doofus,

You are nearly thirty. When I first met you, I had no idea you were that old, mostly because you frequently act like you're thirteen. (You certainly text like you are.) At first, it was just kind of funny, and a little charming in some ways. And then we were given callings that forced us to work closely together, and that charm wore off reeeeeaaaalllly quickly. 

When I voice an opinion, you shut me down. When I try to back up my opinion, you tell me to stop stressing out so much. When I continue to back up my opinion because I refuse to be shut down without consideration, you tell me I'm frustrating you. With all of that combined, here is what I hear: "Holy crap, Lindy, stop being such a girl. I'm the priesthood holder, which therefore means my opinion is more valid than yours."

Well listen up, Doofus. I am a strong woman with strong opinions. I was given this calling so I could make changes and bring my ideas to the table. I don't care if you don't want to plan things on Saturdays because it interferes with your life. I don't care if you want to throw together a half-assed activity in a week just so you can be done with it. I don't care how frustrating I am to you or how annoying it is to plan out every detail. I am going to voice my opinions, and I am going to be heard. You want to know why? Because my opinions are valid. And, by the way, in most cases my opinions are better than yours. I care about getting people more involved in the ward. I care about doing my best to make it easier for people to be social here. I care about magnifying my calling and doing the best I possibly can. 

Since you don't seem to care about any of that, I will go over your head. I will talk to the bishop. I will talk to the Relief Society presidency. I will talk to whomever I need to talk to to get things done, whether you like it or not. So you better watch yourself. I'm a stubborn girl, and I will get my way.

If this is the way you treat every girl in your life, Doofus, it's no wonder you're pushing that 3-0 mark while still single. No self-respecting girl wants to put up with your crap.

Hugs and kisses,

Lindy

Sick Day

I hate being sick. Especially when it keeps me from doing the normal things I do everyday, like working. I would much rather use my PTO for fun things than for being sick.

But I do have to admit that I don't mind quite as much when taking that sick day keeps me inside and out of this:

 

Lovely, isn't it?

Busy, Busy, Busy

This week has me super stressed. I have articulation tomorrow morning, which basically means I have to memorize a bunch of stuff. Tonight. (Don't worry, I've been working on it other times too. I just have to cram some tonight.)

Then there's the company party on Friday. I don't know why, but things like that stress me out too. Plus, it's semi-formal, and I need a couple of things to finish off my outfit, so that's just something else I have to get done.

Then I was asked to sing in church on Sunday, so I have to get ahold of the accompanist and find time to practice. And when I said I could sing, I completely forgot that I also have to teach in Relief Society. I have to teach a lesson that I haven't planned yet. So there's one more thing I can add to my to-do list this week.

I can't wait until the weekend. And it's only Tuesday. Fantastic.

Being Thankful: Day Sixteen

Today is one of those ridiculously blah days, and it is therefore difficult for me to think of anything to be thankful for. But that means today is a day that I really need to be writing this post. Even though I'm really not in the mood right now. Which doesn't make sense, really. Plenty of good things have happened or are going to happen this week: I got my car back, I'm going to see Harry Potter 7 at midnight on Thursday, and I'm going to have dinner with some of my very best friends on Friday. Yet all I feel like doing is complaining.

So today, my thankful post is a bit of a cop-out (but really only a bit): I am thankful for sleep. I'm so thankful that I can go to bed and wake up to a new morning, a new day, and hopefully a new attitude. Oh, and I'm thankful for my electric blanket, which keeps me warm and helps me stay asleep once I fall asleep. I love that thing.

Blah

Days like today are the worst. I have no motivation to do anything. FHE is right now, and I should go, but none of my roommates are home and I seriously don't feel like being social by myself. My face is pimply, my hair looks like crap, and I feel like I weigh a bazillion pounds. This is not a time when being the only girl at FHE (because I know I would be) sounds appealing.

I hate blah days. I think I'm just going to go watch "Little Miss Sunshine" and then go to bed. Sounds good to me.

Carriage Cove cleaning check lady's thought process:

"Look at this tub, it's so clean. She must have scrubbed it for an hour. And her sink is sparkling! And this bedroom is so neat and tidy—not a thing is out of place and there isn't a speck of dust anywhere. Same with this cute living room. Everything has been so nicely dusted and put in its place—but oh, oh dear, what is this? A streak! There's a streak on the sliding glass door! Well, that just won't do now, will it."

So I failed. Four and a half hours of cleaning and I FAILED because of some streaks on the glass door. Let's just skip over the significant things, like the tub and the sink and the entire living room. That one streaky spot is the end of it all—this apartment must not be clean because of it. Don't even consider the fact that I washed it with Windex TWICE to get all the dust and streaks off.

Thanks, Carriage Cove, for being Nazis. That stupid streak is going to cost me thirty effing dollars.

*end rant*

Shopping Sucks

I apparently have a shopping complex. I simply cannot buy anything when I am shopping by myself.

Today I went to Target, fully intending to buy some summer clothes. I thought about going all day at work, with high hopes of finding some adorable clothes. I tried on about a million different articles of clothing, and I didn't buy the few cute pieces that fit. Why? Because no one was there to reaffirm my belief that the clothes looked good on me.

*sigh*

I have no clothes confidence whatsoever. What a waste of two hours.

My Creative Juices Dried Up

I've noticed that I have a lot of friends who do hobby or semi-professional photography. I also noticed that a lot of my friends are super creative and funny writers, even just on Facebook. I also have a lot of friends who are really good at other visual arts.

I am good at none of these.

My creative juices have hit a major drought, apparently.

I miss writing. But I don't have any ideas to write about.

I also think photography is cool. I've wanted to learn to take cool photos for a really long time. But I don't know the first thing about photography, and I don't have Photoshop (though I do want CS5 really really really bad—maybe I'll get it soon, if a student friend of mine will let me use their educational discount).

I hate it when I have the urge to do something creative but have no inspiration and nothing to do. It makes me sad.

My Body Hates Me

My body chose the absolute worst possible time to get sick. And the worst possible place in my body to get sick.

On Friday morning, I woke up with a sore throat, which sucked for two reasons: a) I had an audition (singing required) in four days, and b) I hate sore throats. The sore throat persisted the entire weekend. Luckily, I had decided to go home for the weekend, so I got babied by my mom while I was sick. That was much better than having to take care of myself in my apartment, that's for sure.

By Monday afternoon, my sore throat was abating, which was looking good for my Tuesday night audition. I even practiced my songs some. But as the night went on, my voice got croakier. I probably should have stopped talking in order to conserve what little voice I had left, but I didn't. And I woke up this morning, the day of my audition, with no voice. Brilliant.

I called the theater, and luckily they had openings for Thursday. So now I'm auditioning on Thursday, and I'm really hoping it doesn't conflict with the Relief Society activity that I'm supposed to be singing at for my friend. I'm probably cutting it pretty close, but I'm determined to make it work.

So today and tomorrow will consist of me sipping herbal tea, sucking on lozenges, and refraining from speech. Hopefully those things combined will help ensure that I have a voice on Thursday, because I'm seriously going to need it.

Dear Cleaning Checks,

I hate you. If I don't pass tomorrow after who knows how many hours of cleaning, I'm going to be very angry.

Love,
Me

One of Those Days

Today is one of those days when I kind of wish I had an anonymous blog so I could write about everything that I'm frustrated about right now in wonderful detail. But, since I don't want everyone on the interwebs to be able to read about what I'm feeling right now, I'll sum most of it up in two words:

BOYS SUCK!*

The end.

*Don't ask me why. There are no specific reasons right now. This is just one of those times of general frustration.

Waking Up Fail

Fail #1: I set my alarm at 6:00 a.m. this morning so I could go to the gym before work. As soon as my alarm went off, I promptly turned it off and set it for an hour later. So much for working out. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get myself to go to the gym in the morning ever again. Ugh.

Fail #2: My first thought when I woke up (again) was, "Wow, it's bright outside." I glanced at the clock, and it was 8:52 a.m. I'm supposed to be at work at 9:00. Awesome. I jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes, yanked my hair into a ponytail, applied some mascara, brushed my teeth, and was out the door. I made it to work by 9:20, which is a major accomplishment, I think. Too bad I've felt like a schlump all day.

Two major failures without even leaving my bed. Way to start the day, Lindy.