One Date ≠ Eternal Commitment

Has anyone else noticed that it seems like everybody puts way too much pressure on a first date? Just do a Google image search for "first date." All you see are pictures of couples looking dreamily into each other's eyes, kissing, or holding hands. Come on, people. I Googled "first date," not "established couples."

I have never understood why people put so much importance on the first date. Isn't that when you're supposed to get to know your date? And even if you already know the person you're going on a date with through hanging out and whatnot, getting to know someone one-on-one is a little bit different. A first date should be low key. It shouldn't be a huge production.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there's no reason to get excited about a first date. If I'm super into a guy and he asks me out, you bet I'm going to be excited. But I'm not going to expect it to turn into something right away. Am I going to hope for something to happen? Of course. At least before the date. If the date turns out to be awful and awkward, then of course the excitement will die. But really, if I'm already into him, I doubt it would be awful and awkward. But that's beside the point.

I have known so many girls who build up the first date to the point that they make themselves sick with nerves. I have also known many girls who have stressed that because a friend asked them on a date, it automatically means that he is completely into them and that at some point they're going to have to tell him that they just want to be friends. I've always thought that was ridiculous. Just take it for what it is—a first date. Flattering, yes. A proposal, no.

This is such a pervasive notion in Provo. Seriously. At FHE a couple of weeks ago, we got into this discussion about how it's hard for guys to ask girls out and what kind of date is good for the first date and blah blah blah. Very common talk in Provo. My roommates and I tried to tell the guys that first dates should be simple and inexpensive. No really expensive dinners. No marathon dates. Not even any movies (there's no chance to talk).

One of the guys in our group just wouldn't listen to us. He started going off about how he thinks a perfect date is driving a girl up to Park City, eating a really nice dinner, and going up the ski lift to watch the sunset, or some such ridiculous thing like that. I turned to him and said very bluntly, "That is a terrible first date idea. Terrible." He looked baffled. I had to explain that a first date like that would just be super awkward. That's a proposal date. Who thinks that something as romantic as that is a good idea when you barely even know the person you're going on a date with?

First dates need to consist of ice cream or a casual dinner or mini golf or bowling. Something that gives you a good opportunity to talk, to get to know one another, to figure out if a second date is a possibility. That's what a first date is for—to figure out if you want a second date. Not to figure out if you want to spend the rest of eternity with that person. That's just too much pressure.

And holy cow, this turned into a much longer post than I thought it would. And much more of a rant than I intended. It's probably boring, but whatevs.

So, are you dating anyone?

If this question isn't coming from a 20-something male who is going to follow up my "no" with a "do you want to go out sometime," I'm not interested in hearing it. Especially if you're a middle-aged woman in my parents' ward who is so far removed from the dating game that she thinks finding a guy is as easy as picking an apple off a tree.

I hate to break it to you, Sister So-and-So: dating SUCKS. It's hard, and even if I were going on more dates (which for me would be one every couple of months), I would still be frustrated and fed up with everything. Just because you were married at 20 doesn't mean I'm an old maid at 24. And it doesn't mean that you have to give me a pitying look every time I answer your annoying question with, "No, not currently."

This is also true for all of my girlfriends whose first question after we haven't seen each other for a while is, "So, are there any boys?" I know girls like to dish about the guys in their lives. I like to do it, too—when I have a guy in my life. But seeing as how I don't often have a guy in my life, I don't want the first thing I say to my girlfriends make me look super lame. Besides—if I have a guy in my life, you won't have to ask me if I have a guy in my life. All you'll have to ask is, "How are you?" and chances are that he'll come up. If you have to ask, there's nothing to tell. I think this is probably true for most girls.

The only thing that makes "So, are you dating anyone?" more annoying is the follow-up of "Why not?" Right, because I have so much control over what men my age do. It's entirely up to me whether someone in my ward notices me and asks me out. It's completely my fault that I haven't found someone I'm compatible with. I alone am to blame for my loneliness. Thanks for that.

To sum up: No, I am not dating anyone, and I don't know why. I am 24. I am single. And I am dealing with it perfectly fine. I don't need to be reminded of my singleness. Believe me, I am acutely aware of it.

An Inconsistency

When I get an event invite on Facebook, my knee-jerk reaction is to RSVP with maybe. (Unless, of course, it's some awesome event I'm for sure going to or something lame that I for sure won't be going to.) I like the maybe option because it lets me say no without really saying no. Then I don't feel bad when I don't show because I didn't actually say I would go.

This week, I created an event to invite people over to my apartment to watch the mega ultra super showdown between BYU and SDSU on Saturday. This game is HUGE and I didn't want to watch it with just me and Cora. As fun as that is (I love you, Cora), I wanted to watch with a group of people. It's just more fun that way.

So I set up the event and sent a bunch of invites, hoping that at least a few people would say yes and come enjoy the greatness of BYU basketball. Four days later, most of the people who have responded are maybes. And it annoys the tar out of me. Just decide one way or another, people! Geez!

Hypocritical much? Oh yes. But I would be willing to bet money that my days of saying maybe are far from over.

So Bloody Frustrating

Day 22: A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

This is kind of a hard one. You see, I haven't really been hurt lately, per se. This could be attributed to the lack of action on the guy front, or to the fact that I have good enough relationships with my girlfriends that we don't really have drama. Whatever the case, my life has lacked hurtful exchanges lately, and I'm going to just go ahead and call that a good thing.

I have, however, been frustrated out of my head by someone recently, so that's where this post is going to go.

Dear Doofus,

You are nearly thirty. When I first met you, I had no idea you were that old, mostly because you frequently act like you're thirteen. (You certainly text like you are.) At first, it was just kind of funny, and a little charming in some ways. And then we were given callings that forced us to work closely together, and that charm wore off reeeeeaaaalllly quickly. 

When I voice an opinion, you shut me down. When I try to back up my opinion, you tell me to stop stressing out so much. When I continue to back up my opinion because I refuse to be shut down without consideration, you tell me I'm frustrating you. With all of that combined, here is what I hear: "Holy crap, Lindy, stop being such a girl. I'm the priesthood holder, which therefore means my opinion is more valid than yours."

Well listen up, Doofus. I am a strong woman with strong opinions. I was given this calling so I could make changes and bring my ideas to the table. I don't care if you don't want to plan things on Saturdays because it interferes with your life. I don't care if you want to throw together a half-assed activity in a week just so you can be done with it. I don't care how frustrating I am to you or how annoying it is to plan out every detail. I am going to voice my opinions, and I am going to be heard. You want to know why? Because my opinions are valid. And, by the way, in most cases my opinions are better than yours. I care about getting people more involved in the ward. I care about doing my best to make it easier for people to be social here. I care about magnifying my calling and doing the best I possibly can. 

Since you don't seem to care about any of that, I will go over your head. I will talk to the bishop. I will talk to the Relief Society presidency. I will talk to whomever I need to talk to to get things done, whether you like it or not. So you better watch yourself. I'm a stubborn girl, and I will get my way.

If this is the way you treat every girl in your life, Doofus, it's no wonder you're pushing that 3-0 mark while still single. No self-respecting girl wants to put up with your crap.

Hugs and kisses,

Lindy

Busy, Busy, Busy

This week has me super stressed. I have articulation tomorrow morning, which basically means I have to memorize a bunch of stuff. Tonight. (Don't worry, I've been working on it other times too. I just have to cram some tonight.)

Then there's the company party on Friday. I don't know why, but things like that stress me out too. Plus, it's semi-formal, and I need a couple of things to finish off my outfit, so that's just something else I have to get done.

Then I was asked to sing in church on Sunday, so I have to get ahold of the accompanist and find time to practice. And when I said I could sing, I completely forgot that I also have to teach in Relief Society. I have to teach a lesson that I haven't planned yet. So there's one more thing I can add to my to-do list this week.

I can't wait until the weekend. And it's only Tuesday. Fantastic.

Customer service is a pain in my behind.

So remember how I posted a couple of months ago about how I bought a totally awesome refurbished Samsung Blu-ray player? Turns out that the totally awesome Blu-ray player is so awesome that it won't even play Blu-ray discs. Sound like a problem to you? Yeah, me too. I played one disc all the way through clear back when I first bought the player, but I have tried four discs since (I don't have a lot of Blu-rays, so don't judge the low number) and none of them has worked. DVDs work fine, but not the Blu-rays.

I looked up the product online and found out that I have a 90-day warranty. Sweet. So I called Best Buy, who told me to take the player into the store, where they could look at it for me. So the next day I went to the store on my lunch break so they could look at my player, and I was told that because it was a refurbished model, they couldn't send it into Samsung for me. I needed to call the number I called in the first place so they could help me. Fantastic.

I went back out to my car and decided to try calling support again while I had some time. They tried transferring me, but I was told that their systems were down so they couldn't help me. Now that is what I call good service. I was really frustrated, so I made myself feel better by buying lunch at Zupa's. Because Zupa's never disappoints.

After work, I called Best Buy's support again, and the call was disconnected. It was getting ridiculous when I finally got ahold of someone who had a working system and could look up all of my information. It turns out that the Best Buy warrantee on my player had run out. I still had a warrantee through Samsung, but I had to call Samsung and get help from their customer service. That would have been nice to know the first time I called.

So I called Samsung's support and spent a good 35 minutes on the phone with a lady with an accent from who knows where. She kept trying to convince me that my player wouldn't play the Blu-ray discs because my firmware wasn't updated, even though that was the very first thing I tried. Then she tried telling me that I just needed to wait for the next upgrade that they were working on right then and that would come out in the next few weeks. There was no way I was waiting for a few weeks hoping the upgrade worked while my warrantee expired. No way. The lady finally agreed that something was wrong with the player when I told her that one of the discs that wouldn't play (How to Train Your Dragon—way cute movie, by the way) played perfectly fine on three—yes, three—other Blu-ray players, one of which was the same exact model as mine.

After this ridiculous process, I was hoping there would be very little I was required to do to get the thing fixed. I spent a lot of money on it—I deserve to have a working player. Unfortunately, my saga wasn't over yet. I was told that I had to fax in my receipt to prove that I bought the product. The fact that they had record of it didn't matter. So I had to wait two days until I was back at work so I could fax the dumb receipt. Then I had to wait for a phone call with the rest of the information I needed. Luckily, I got the call the same day I faxed the receipt. The lady on the phone told me the address and that I needed to ship the Blu-ray player to Samsung on my own dime. Awesome. But I guess it's better than paying for a new player.

Finally, a week and a half of phone calls and $20 later, my Blu-ray player is in the mail. It should get to the repair place in California on Thursday. Then they will have to look at it, fix it, and ship it back to me. In about two weeks (at the longest), I should have a fully functional Blu-ray player back where it belongs, hooked up to my TV so I can watch awesome-looking movies. Because even watching DVDs on a regular DVD player isn't the same as watching DVDs on a Blu-ray player. I need my Blu-ray player back. Seriously.

We're All Adults Here

*Disclaimer: (and warning) You are about to read an angry, venting, ranting, raging blog post. But I would like to now state that this has nothing to do with anyone living in the BC, or even in the Provo area. So no need for any of my Provo friends (who are the majority of who read this blog) to get up in arms about anything I might say, because it is not about you. When I say "a friend," I really do mean a friend, not myself. Just so you all know. And yes, I know this is a very long disclaimer. I'm done now.

We are all adults here, right? We're all 20-somethings who are on our own, making our own way in the world, making our own decisions, dealing with our own responsibilities. Most of us handle our work, school, church, and financial responsibilities with maturity, even when they get complicated and stressful.

So why can't the same be said for our personal relationships, whether those be romantic relationships or strictly friends? I have a friend (I swear this is not a euphemism for me) who I have known for a very, very long time. We went to elementary school, junior high, and high school together, and have stayed very close since we graduated high school and went to different colleges. She is absolutely amazing. I love her so much. She is such a good friend, because she cares so much about the people in her life, and she shows that in her actions.

I have seen people take advantage of her caring nature, and they do their best to manipulate her into doing things for them and sacrificing what she wants because she wants to make people happy. She's a peacemaker, and some of her "friends" seem to take that as a weakness, a spot they can use to make her do what they want her to do. And I hate it. Some of the stories she tells me make me absolutely livid.

But this latest one put me over the edge. The complete immaturity of her "friends" has me itching to drive to Cedar, smack these two people across the face, and give them a good talking to, just to let them know that someone is on my friend's side.

So this friend has liked a boy for a while now. Quite a while. And recently he has acted in ways that have given her hope that his feelings toward her were changing. She told me about all the things that he was doing (we have a good time swapping boy stories), and it certainly seemed promising to me, too. He was flirting, and usually that's a good sign, right?

Well, apparently not in this case. This boy (and I'm emphasizing boy here) apparently told one of her friends that he doesn't like her "like that." Okay, whatever, that's life. But instead of just telling her, "You know what, I like you a lot, but I just want to stay friends," he went about it in a way that turned him into (in my friend's words) a douche.

From what I have heard (and yes, I know I'm only getting one side of the story, but I trust her when she tells me these things) he has been completely and totally immature and childish about this whole situation. Instead of being an adult and talking with my friend, he has decided to plot with her roommate as to how he can make my friend stop liking him, without jeopardizing the friendship. Their plan: treat my friend like complete dirt for three days, so she can "get over" this boy. Well, it worked, but I don't know about the status of their friendship. And to throw the roommate in the mix is just absolutely ridiculous!

How juvenile is it to think, "I don't want to tell her the truth, because that would be too difficult for me. I don't want to have that talk, so I'm going to act as though she's the annoying, tagalong friend who got invited out of pity, and spend all my time talking to her roommate. But I still want to be her friend." Good laws, boy, grow a pair and talk to her! She's an adult, just like you (are supposed to be)! Yes, "the talk" is going to suck. Yes, her feelings will get hurt. Yes, she will probably take a few days to start acting normally again. But it will all be to your benefit. Because instead of thinking of you as a coward and a jerk to boot, she'll think back and think, "Wow, that took a lot of guts to talk to me. And now we can be friends without all this awkwardness." But no. You missed that opportunity by plotting, and by talking to her roomates about her, when she knows full well you were doing it. (For pete's sake, the kitchen isn't that far away from her bedroom. If you're going to talk about someone, be smart about it, at least!)

It just really makes me angry when people can't just act mature about their interactions with the people around them. Sure, I'm guilty of it at times. We all are. But some things are more serious than others, and toying intentionally with someone's emotions is one of them. Just because you're afraid of how someone will react to the truth doesn't mean the truth isn't the best option. It usually is. So next time you're faced with the prospect of a not very fun conversation, a potentially awkward conversation, stop for a second and think about what would be most beneficial for the person you're talking to. Stop being selfish and do what's right. We're all adults here, so act like it. We can handle it.

Open Your Eyes!

There's been a lot of talk in my apartment lately about how the guys we know just don't seem to know how to go after the right girls. This obviously isn't the case all the time, because there are plenty of happily married couples out there who got together because the man pursued the woman. But I think there are often times when guys just look over the girls who would be good for them and look right to the girls who aren't.

I've seen this quite a lot with people I know lately. And it's not even that the guys are going after bad girls, they're just going after the ones who aren't interested. Which basically means that they're the wrong girls. I can think of quite a few examples off the top of my head of boys who go after girls who aren't interested when there is another girl, right in front of him, who is good relationship material. And I'm not necessarily talking about myself here. I have some freaking amazing roommates and friends, and if these guys would just open their eyes and see them, they would find some amazing girlfriends. When it comes to some of these situations, I just want to grab the guy, shake him, and yell, "Can't you see what you're missing? Look at her! She's amazing! And she'd gladly date you if you asked! What is so hard about making a move?!" But alas, that rarely works.

Sometimes I wonder if these guys are afraid to start a relationship with one of these amazing women because they're afraid that she'll be the one they want to keep. Because commitment is scary. I was told today by a guy friend that I am "marriage material." I'm apparently not the kind of girl guys would want to date frivolously. I'm not the fling. I'm the commitment. If that's the case, no wonder guys are fleeing from me. I'm scary. I'm emotionally distant and I'm the commitment. Now that is a recipe for relationship disaster.

But back to my original point. Guys need to stop going after the girls who aren't interested and open their eyes to the girls who might be interested. There are some amazing women out there who won't mess with guys and who won't lead them on. And in my experience, those women are often right in front of your eyes. So, to the guys: Keep your eyes (and your mind) open to the possibility that the women you associate with might just be good for more than simple association. I just read that love is not found like gold in the ground. It is constructed like stainless steel formed by fire and chemistry. And sometimes that fire and chemistry is there with someone that you never expected, until suddenly you realize it's been there all along and you just had to open your eyes and see it.

Are You Afraid?

Well, are you? Because you should be. Of the movie Twilight, that is.

Before I begin my tirade, I should let you know a couple things. I did read the novels, and I did enjoy them. No, I do not think they are the greatest books ever written (far, far from it, in fact), but they are entertaining and fun. So this review does not come from a Twilight hater.

I spent a grand total of $1.75 on this movie. At least, I will once I pay Jonathan back. And it was a complete waste of my $1.75. I could have bought a burger at Wendy's with that. Or seven candy bars at work. Or even better, a pack of gum. Instead, I saw Twilight at the dollar theater. Why? Because I was told it was terrible and wanted to see for myself. Take it from me, don't assuage your curiosity. It was terrible.

The whole thing was just ridiculous. How many close-up shots of eyes can you have in one scene? I understood the point of it. The Cullens' eyes are golden because they're vegetarians. The other vampires' eyes are red because they're not. It's important. But find another way to portray it.

And the sparkly Edward? Really? Come on. Seriously? He did not shine like diamonds, that's for sure. He shined like fish skin. It was rather gross looking, to be honest. Not at all what I was expecting.

Edward and Bella had absolutely no chemistry. None. The slow kisses were supposed to build the sexual tension, but all they did was make it awkward. And the meadow scene? Ugh, don't get me started. It was painful. Absolutely painful. Painful to the point that I felt bad for the actors. "Say it. Out loud." Who would ever say that? "Are you afraid?" "Only of losing you." Ugh. Gag me. With a pitchfork. Please. It would have been more enjoyable than sitting through this movie.

Okay, so that's an exaggeration. But you get my point.

I could continue. I could continue for a long time. But a lot of my complaints have already been voiced in Jonathan's post from a couple months ago. So if you want to read a scathing review by a film person, read that.

And if you have already subjected yourself to this movie, watch this clip.

I Have No Words

So, the other day I was avoiding writing my article at Paper Crafts, so I was looking around on Facebook. I saw that one of my friends wrote a note, so I decided to read it. It was one of those angry notes, full of frustration at the world in general and at a couple people specifically. I thought, "Oh, that's too bad, he's frustrated." And just kept reading. But as I was reading, I realized that the story he was telling sounded oddly familiar. So familiar, in fact, that I felt like I was one of the characters in it. I read it over and over, just to make sure that he was, in fact, ranting and raving about me. And he was. My jaw dropped. I was a little upset, but mostly I thought it was funny. Here's the part that's really important:

"I've been noticing a lot lately how absolutely genuine people are not. I have really started wondering who my friends actually are.

"First off. To the ladies. Yes I'm a pre-mi and no I'm not on your list of marriage prospects but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I feel like over half the girls in my apartment complex don't want to talk to me because I'm not a returned missionary and am therefore not a marriage opportunity. I know, that's probably an over exaggeration but I have examples. There were some girls (I'll call them genuine friend 1 and 2) who, at one time came and visited our apartment and I would go over to theirs but then I found out that one of them was interested in my roommate. I started watching different behaviors and realized I was just a pawn in their chess game. So I started limiting my visits somewhat to genuine friend 1 and 2's apartment and quickly withdrew and was rarely ever invited over again, especially after my room mate explained he was not interested. Thanks, genuine friend 1 and 2, I really appreciate your friendship. There is another example of that too but not as severe. However, genuine friend 1 recently has found an interest in another of my room mates and suddenly I'm a friend again....thanks...but no thanks...I don't need that."

In case you don't know, I'm "genuine friend 2" and my roommate is "genuine friend 1." I want to respond a little bit. First off, I'm so sorry that I was interested in your roommate, and therefore talked to him more than I talked to you. But you would have done the same to me. Second, we stopped talking to everyone in your apartment, not just you. And it is not because you're only 19. And besides, you could have put a in a little effort too. You can't expect everyone to make sure you're invited to every little thing. You could have talked to us and kept coming over even when we stopped going to your house. You should have known it would be a little awkward once your roommate "explained he was not interested."

So I guess my title is a little misleading. I do have words. It just took me 24 hours to finally formulate them.

Just Friends.

For the first two years of my college career, I didn't have many guy friends. I take that back--I didn't have any guy friends. My friends consisted of people from high school and my roommates. I went home nearly every weekend because I didn't feel any desire to stay in Provo. And though I didn't think about it very much, I missed having guy friends, of having that male influence in my life.

It really has only been recently that I have had really close guy friends, and I realized that I had completely forgotten how much I love hanging out with guys. There's something about having guys around that makes me feel more complete. Girls can be too much sometimes, and it's always nice to have that testosterone to balance out the estrogen.

But I also realized that I forgot how frustrating it can be to have guy friends. To know that you are "just friends." It doesn't matter how much I like the boys I hang out with, how much I like just being their friend; it always ends up frustrating me. I don't even have to be interested in any of them for it to frustrate me. But then, when I actually do become interested in one of them, it just exacerbates the problem.

I feel like I'm the safe friend. I'm pretty level-headed and mature, and I handle drama well. I can usually make an awkward situation less awkward, and I'm not the kind of girl who freaks out very often. For example, a couple months ago I had a guy take me on a walk and tell me he just wanted to be friends. Sure, it sucked. I was pretty upset. But I didn't let him know that. I said, "Okay, that's cool," and he was surprised at how well I took it. I honestly don't know how he expected me to react. Maybe he thought I would burst into tears and punch him in the nose. I kind of wanted to, but that's a different story. But something about my ability to handle upsetting situations with poise and even a smile makes me feel like guys don't even think of viewing me as potentially more than a friend. They talk to me about other girls because they know I won't get upset. They don't even have to be asking me for advice. Which is fine. It's nice to be trusted. But getting friendlisted over and over is draining.

And this isn't to say that I want a relationship right now. Sure, if it happened and I did get in a relationship, I'd be perfectly happy with that. But what I really want to do is date. I want to go on lots of dates with lots of guys. And that doesn't happen when you're just friends. Because hanging out is enough. But it's often not. And I hate that everyone seems to think that going on one date has to mean something, or that a guy can't go on a date with more than one girl in an apartment. It's ridiculous. Take a girl on a date, and if it doesn't mean anything but you still want to be her friend, be her friend. Chances are she feels the same way. Not all the time, it's true, but if she's a mature adult she'll be able to handle it, and handle it well. It's only awkward if you make it awkward.

Whew, there's my rant for the week.

Let's Grow Up, Kids.

I don't understand why some people just can't leave high school. High school was probably the most awkward period of my life. Why would you want to stay there? The girls are catty, the boys are stupid, and life revolves around school. Sounds like so much fun!

I know so many people from my high school days who can't figure out how to move on with life. They went to college, but clung so hard to Magna and to their experiences there that they have never been able to really leave. Last night was a perfect illustration of these people to me, and made me realize how happy I am that I have grown up, moved on, and moved out.

Last night I went to an improv show at the community theater in my hometown. It was fun, I enjoyed myself, but I felt like I was back in high school, and I didn't like it. At all. Every one of the actors on stage were people that I knew in high school; some I went to high school with and others who were much older than me, but who still hung around the school. (I thought those people were weird when I was in high school--now I just think they're sad.) So now they spend all their free time at the theater instead of at the school. And the whole placed just reeked of high school: trying to impress people, proving their ability to be funny. It just made me sad that they have to revert to acting like high school kids to feel important.

The show was good, but everything from the people to the music to the jokes forcibly took me back to a place that I was all too happy to leave behind, and none too willing to return to. Sure, I had fun in high school, but being an adult is so much better. My relationships have more depth, my conversations have more meaning, and my life in general is more fulfilling.

So come on, kids. Let's grow up. Join us in the world of the adults. You won't regret it, I promise.

Pointless

Have you ever had one of those classes that seems mostly pointless? One of those classes where you may engage in some interesting discussions, but all it is is talk? That feels like the only way it's furthering your education is because it fulfills a requirement, but requires no effort and almost no thought?

I hate these classes. They're such a waste of tuition money. And book money. And time. There are so many other things I could be doing--like the homework from my other classes. Or working. Or having a social life.

Instead I'm stuck in a stuffy room for two solid hours while my teacher talks at us. She thinks she's funny, but she's not. She's thinks she's my friend, but she's not. And she dresses terrible to boot. You'd think that a college professor would have the sense to dress nicer . . . or at least to dress in clothes that aren't stained . . .

It's a damn good thing there are only two more weeks of classes. I don't think I can stand much more.