One Date ≠ Eternal Commitment

Has anyone else noticed that it seems like everybody puts way too much pressure on a first date? Just do a Google image search for "first date." All you see are pictures of couples looking dreamily into each other's eyes, kissing, or holding hands. Come on, people. I Googled "first date," not "established couples."

I have never understood why people put so much importance on the first date. Isn't that when you're supposed to get to know your date? And even if you already know the person you're going on a date with through hanging out and whatnot, getting to know someone one-on-one is a little bit different. A first date should be low key. It shouldn't be a huge production.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there's no reason to get excited about a first date. If I'm super into a guy and he asks me out, you bet I'm going to be excited. But I'm not going to expect it to turn into something right away. Am I going to hope for something to happen? Of course. At least before the date. If the date turns out to be awful and awkward, then of course the excitement will die. But really, if I'm already into him, I doubt it would be awful and awkward. But that's beside the point.

I have known so many girls who build up the first date to the point that they make themselves sick with nerves. I have also known many girls who have stressed that because a friend asked them on a date, it automatically means that he is completely into them and that at some point they're going to have to tell him that they just want to be friends. I've always thought that was ridiculous. Just take it for what it is—a first date. Flattering, yes. A proposal, no.

This is such a pervasive notion in Provo. Seriously. At FHE a couple of weeks ago, we got into this discussion about how it's hard for guys to ask girls out and what kind of date is good for the first date and blah blah blah. Very common talk in Provo. My roommates and I tried to tell the guys that first dates should be simple and inexpensive. No really expensive dinners. No marathon dates. Not even any movies (there's no chance to talk).

One of the guys in our group just wouldn't listen to us. He started going off about how he thinks a perfect date is driving a girl up to Park City, eating a really nice dinner, and going up the ski lift to watch the sunset, or some such ridiculous thing like that. I turned to him and said very bluntly, "That is a terrible first date idea. Terrible." He looked baffled. I had to explain that a first date like that would just be super awkward. That's a proposal date. Who thinks that something as romantic as that is a good idea when you barely even know the person you're going on a date with?

First dates need to consist of ice cream or a casual dinner or mini golf or bowling. Something that gives you a good opportunity to talk, to get to know one another, to figure out if a second date is a possibility. That's what a first date is for—to figure out if you want a second date. Not to figure out if you want to spend the rest of eternity with that person. That's just too much pressure.

And holy cow, this turned into a much longer post than I thought it would. And much more of a rant than I intended. It's probably boring, but whatevs.