Stress is the worst.

Day Three: A habit that you wish you didn't have.

I don't know if this qualifies as a habit, so much, but I stress. I stress a lot. I used to have such bad anxiety that I would wake up every morning with a terrible knot in my chest. It felt like it was squeezing all of the air out of my lungs. I was afraid of driving. I was afraid of going to college. I was afraid of starting a new job. It was a horrible, paralyzing feeling.

I have gotten much better as I've gotten older. Driving in particular no longer bugs me. That's probably because I've spent many months as the only one in my apartment with a car, so I've done a whole lotta driving in my time in Provo. But that's not the only thing I've grown more confident in. I think it's just a matter of growing up and figuring things out.

Unfortunately, I am still a worry wart. I worry about everything. Just because the anxiety isn't crippling doesn't mean it isn't there in some form or another. I frequently worry about things at work. I worry about moving out of my current apartment. I worry when I get new roommates. I worry about my church calling. (Well, sometimes. Not currently. My calling is awesome.) And most especially, I worry about guys. I worry about how I'm coming across. I worry about being too forward. I worry about not being forward enough. I worry about giving the wrong impression. I worry about everything when it comes to dating. It's awful.

I need to loosen up. I need to worry less. I need to be more open. I know all of these things. Unfortunately, acting on them and actually changing is much more easily said than done.