Change

I used to hate change. In high school and even in the first half of my college career, change terrified me. I was much happier when things just stayed the same. And when things did change, I wanted those changes to be few and far between. I felt comfortable with the familiar, and I wanted to be in the familiar as often as possible.

No wonder the move to college was a terrifying one for me. No wonder I stayed in the same apartment with practically the same roommates for two years. No wonder I stayed in the same crappy relationship for four years. I was petrified at the thought of changing things because then I would have to face the unknown.

So no wonder, when I finally did start to change things, I finally felt like I was growing. Without change, I didn't stretch myself. I didn't pull myself out of my comfort zone. For who knows how long, I was stagnant, not progressing, not moving forward or backward. I was hanging on to familiarity, hanging on for dear life, because I knew that once I let go I wouldn't know where I would land.

And then I made a huge change in my life. A liberating change. An illuminating change. And since then, nearly every four months something has changed. Something big like where I live or who I live with. Last April, I moved home, the first time in two years, and I got two new jobs in four months. Then in August I moved into an apartment with five completely random girls. Then in December I moved to an apartment with one person I knew, and four that I didn't know. Then in April my five roommates were replaced with five completely new ones. And now this August I'm moving to yet another apartment, with one person I know and four more whom I don't know. And then this coming December, I'm graduating from college, and trying to make it completely on my own, which is probably the biggest change since coming to college in the first place.

And while these changes have been a little nerve-racking, I find myself excited for them. Relishing in them. Thriving off of them. Change is a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I know now how much I was missing when I avoided it. Whenever something changes, I feel like I'm growing and learning something new that I would never have learned otherwise. I'm figuring out who I am and what I want, and it's an amazingly freeing experience.