What if . . .

Day Thirty-Eight: Something you always wonder "what if . . . " about.

Oh man, there are so many of these. But there is one that generally comes to mind first. First, I must apologize that this, once again, hails back to my ex. What is the deal with this blog challenge? Why does it keep bringing up bad memories? My goodness. I'm really not hung up on this, I promise. It just happens to be what applies to a lot of these topics.

My main "what if" is this: What if I had let my first breakup with The Ex stick instead of getting back together with him? How would the rest of my senior year and my first two years of college been different? Would I have dated other guys? Would I have saved myself two and a half years of emotional turmoil?

Well, I can tell you that the last two probably would have been true. I wouldn't have had to go through everything that transpired after high school, which was a lot. My senior year of high school was hard enough, and I made everything worse on myself by not accepting the fact that my boyfriend had broken up with me. Instead, I dogged his footsteps. I made sure I was where he was as often as I could, which was easy, since we had a ton of classes together and were in the musical. I guess I eventually wore him down and we ended up dating again. And that is the worst mistake I made in the whole sordid affair. I still wish I had just let it go. 

But I didn't, and there are scadwads of things that I learned about life and myself and relationships because of that decision. And I'm truly grateful for all of those lessons I learned and how they have helped me the past few years. Getting over things was hard, but it was worth it to get where I am today. I'm truly happy with myself and the things I've accomplished. I have many things yet to do and to learn, but I have made so much progress already.