Blessed

I was talking to my mom on IM yesterday when my gmail notifier dinged. If you know the gmail notifier, you know it gives a little blurb that says the first few lines of the email and who sent it. All I saw was that this new email was from KLAS research and then the words "employment offer." I almost peed my pants. But I had to go and read the email (obviously) just to make sure I read it right. And I did! I got the editing job at KLAS! I was so excited, I can't even describe it. Excited and relieved and a little weepy.

And I realized that my whole working life I've been crazy lucky when it comes to job hunting. No, incredibly blessed. When I came to college, I already had a job lined up. I didn't even have to interview for it. I started on the same day I started college, and had it my entire college career. Then, the one summer I went home, I went a grand total of about a week without a job. And that was with leaving one temp job and having to find another one. And now, after graduating college, I get the second job I applied for, the first job I interviewed for. And the one that just happens to work perfectly with my internship and is in my field.

I can't help but be incredibly grateful. I know plenty of people who have been unemployed for months and who have tried much harder to find jobs than I have. Because to be honest, I haven't tried very hard at all. I applied for two jobs. Two. And yet the Lord sees fit to bless me. I don't know why, but I'm certainly not complaining.

Just Hold Your Peace

Exodus 14:14: "The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace."

This scripture has been one of my favorites for a while now, since one day last year in Sunday School when I ran across it randomly. I don't remember if it had anything to do with the lesson, but it hit me and hit me hard.

It made me realize that I had been trying to deal with some battles that weren't mine to fight, and that I needed to let them go, no matter how justified I felt in fighting them. Sometimes we are the victims, and I know that when I'm in that situation I get defensive and want to fight back. But sometimes--probably most of the time--we have to let our offenses go and give them to the Lord. Because that's what He's there for. He's there to take upon Himself our sins, our troubles, our heartaches, our pains, if we only let Him. Why would I want to fight my battles when I have a much stronger fighter on my side who's willing to fight for me? The Lord will take care of everything, so sometimes we just have to let it go.

Which reminds me of something my tenth grade seminary teacher said all the time. Any time a student would ask him a hard doctrinal question that he couldn't answer, he would reply, "It'll all be fine." Because it will be. If I just hold my peace and let the Lord fight for me, everything will be fine.

The Next Stage

Life has been pretty dang interesting lately. In December, I graduated from BYU. Woo hoo! And because I felt really strongly about it, I decided I needed to stay in Provo. I don't know why, but there you go. I'm in the midst of one of those leaps of faith that you hear people talk about. Hopefully there will come a time when I know why I was supposed to stay in Provo. Not that I don't like it here. In fact, I love it. All my friends are here and I have much better opportunities to meet more friends here than I would with my parents, which I love. But there's the minor factor that I don't have a job and I have rent and groceries to pay for. Not fun.

But I did get an internship. It's with Paper Crafts Magazine, which is incredibly exciting. It's a scrapbooking magazine, which is definitely not my thing. I don't scrapbook. But hey, it's a real, published magazine and I get to work on it, so I don't care what they publish. I have a friend who did the internship over a year ago, and it turned into paid freelance work for her. I'm really hoping that's what happens for me. The only catch is that it's part time, and it's unpaid. Eek. But it's excellent editing experience that I desperately need.

So when I got back to Provo from the break, I started looking for a part-time job. So much fun! I've applied to a grand total of two places. I'm so on the ball, I know. But I did snag an interview. For an editing job. A part-time editing job to go with my part-time editing internship? Yes, please! It's pretty much the perfect situation for me. Two things to go on my resume for when I finally apply for that dream job, whatever or whenever that will be. Not that it will be enough. But it's a start.

The interview went fairly well. I interviewed for an editing position at KLAS Research. I would be editing comments by healthcare professionals about the products they use. Not the most exciting stuff to edit, but it's professional editing, which is wonderful. Three people interviewed me, which was rather intimidating, and then I had to take a short editing test. I think I did all right. I'll find out next Thursday if I got the job, so keep your fingers crossed.

And tomorrow I'll be talking to the managing editor of Paper Crafts to work out my hours and what I will be responsible for. I'm pretty dang excited, mostly because even if it takes me a while to get a job, I will be doing something worthwhile and working towards something. I'm doing absolutely nothing right now and it's killing me. I'm incredibly bored. Not to mention the fact that it's rather disorienting because I'm living where I lived the last year and a half of my college career, yet I'm not going to classes or working or doing anything. I feel like a bum.

It's definitely weird to be in this stage of life. I always thought about what I would do when I got my bachelor's degree, but it's so different when you suddenly have to not only think about what to do, but decide on it. I knew in my head that I was graduated once finals ended last semester, but it didn't really sink in until after break, until the Monday school started for everyone else but me. Waking up in my Provo apartment and knowing that I didn't have to do anything was so surreal. I knew all my roommates (well, all but one) were off to their first day of classes, and it made me quite sad. I really do miss being in class and learning. But I definitely don't miss the homework. And it's good to grow up and move on. The time always comes when things have to change and you've just got to change and grow too.

Resolutions

It's been about a week since we rang in the new year, but I still want to post some of my resolutions. Maybe having them written down in a public place will help me actually accomplish them.

1. Take more pictures. This may seem a little weird, but I haven't taken many pictures recently and it makes me kind of sad.
2. Eat better and get in shape. I've been working on this for a while now, so I guess it's just a continuing goal for me.
3. Be happy! I have spent too much of my life worrying about things I can't control, so I'm going to enjoy what I have and where I am right now.
4. Get a job. ASAP because I'm bored out of my head.
5. Save money. Which will come after 4 is accomplished.
   

Emotionally Involved

I am sitting on my bed, listening to the BYU vs Air Force game on my alarm clock radio because I don't get the channel it's broadcasted on on my apartment TV. Air Force just scored a second touchdown, putting them ahead of the Cougs 14-10. It's right before halftime. And I'm depressed because a) I'm forced to seclude myself in my bedroom to listen to the game and b) the Cougs are losing.

And I ask myself why I allow myself to get so completely emotionally involved in things. In lots of things, Cougar football being only one of many.

I believe that getting emotionally involved in things is a good thing. Life is boring if you're not passionate about something. But I feel like I get incredibly worked up about just about everything. My friend Jonathan always makes fun of me for getting worked up about things. I get charged up about something and my voice rises and I speak more emphatically and Jonathan says, "Oh no, Lindy's getting passionate again!" And the worst part is that I don't realize I'm doing it. And when he mentions it, inevitably I go red and hide my face behind a pillow or my sweater or my hands because it's embarrassing.

And BYU just got intercepted in the endzone with 11 seconds left until halftime. So the Cougars get no points, and Air Force gets the ball at half. My depression deepens.

It is especially embarrassing when I get passionate about something tiny and stupid. Like where to load a plastic serving spoon in the dishwasher. Who cares? As long as it doesn't fall into the bottom of the dishwasher and melt on the heating element, who honestly cares about where you load the stupid spoon? Apparently I do. Merely one of the many inane arguments I've gotten into.

So why do I do it? It usually just ends up biting me in the butt. I get embarrassed, or someone gets offended because of it. Am I just a passionate person? Perhaps. But I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

I guess I'll remain here for the next two hours, sitting on my bed, listening to the game, hoping that my Cougars will play better the second half so I won't be angry the rest of the day. And if they do lose, I guess I'll just have to work to keep my emotions in check, even though that would mean that we would have no shot at the Conference title and it would make a win against Utah next week even more out-of-reach than it seems now. It's just football, right? Then why do I care so much? Oh, right, because I'm me. And I'm emotionally involved in everything.

Boy Craziness

Wow, it has been a log time since I last posted. It's about time I get back on here.

At the end of the summer, I was really excited for the fall to start, because we had a huge turnover in my apartment complex. Something like 160 new people moved in. I'm not gonna lie, I was extremely excited for new guys to move into the ward. But I didn't really think I'd get all that excited about any of them. You see, it has been a good seven years since I have had a full-blown crush on anyone. Seven years! And that's no exaggeration.

It had been so long since I had had a crush that I was convinced I was broken. I thought I was incapable of liking anyone, of being interested at all. It was kind of scary, actually.

But then the fall came. And the first Sunday with the new ward, I found someone that I started to like. And that crush hasn't gone away! Yay for no longer being broken!

Except for one little catch . . . I think I've gone to the other extreme. I'm really interested in a certain guy in my ward, and I'm marginally interested in at least two other guys. Not to mention the guys that I could definitely be interested in if they showed any interest toward me. I swear that I have never been so boy crazy. Ever. Not even in high school. Okay . . . I was probably this bad in high school. But I don't know what my issue is! It's driving me bonkers. Whatever or whoever fixed me did far too good of a job.

Change

I used to hate change. In high school and even in the first half of my college career, change terrified me. I was much happier when things just stayed the same. And when things did change, I wanted those changes to be few and far between. I felt comfortable with the familiar, and I wanted to be in the familiar as often as possible.

No wonder the move to college was a terrifying one for me. No wonder I stayed in the same apartment with practically the same roommates for two years. No wonder I stayed in the same crappy relationship for four years. I was petrified at the thought of changing things because then I would have to face the unknown.

So no wonder, when I finally did start to change things, I finally felt like I was growing. Without change, I didn't stretch myself. I didn't pull myself out of my comfort zone. For who knows how long, I was stagnant, not progressing, not moving forward or backward. I was hanging on to familiarity, hanging on for dear life, because I knew that once I let go I wouldn't know where I would land.

And then I made a huge change in my life. A liberating change. An illuminating change. And since then, nearly every four months something has changed. Something big like where I live or who I live with. Last April, I moved home, the first time in two years, and I got two new jobs in four months. Then in August I moved into an apartment with five completely random girls. Then in December I moved to an apartment with one person I knew, and four that I didn't know. Then in April my five roommates were replaced with five completely new ones. And now this August I'm moving to yet another apartment, with one person I know and four more whom I don't know. And then this coming December, I'm graduating from college, and trying to make it completely on my own, which is probably the biggest change since coming to college in the first place.

And while these changes have been a little nerve-racking, I find myself excited for them. Relishing in them. Thriving off of them. Change is a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I know now how much I was missing when I avoided it. Whenever something changes, I feel like I'm growing and learning something new that I would never have learned otherwise. I'm figuring out who I am and what I want, and it's an amazingly freeing experience.