*Disclaimer: (and warning) You are about to read an angry, venting, ranting, raging blog post. But I would like to now state that this has nothing to do with anyone living in the BC, or even in the Provo area. So no need for any of my Provo friends (who are the majority of who read this blog) to get up in arms about anything I might say, because it is not about you. When I say "a friend," I really do mean a friend, not myself. Just so you all know. And yes, I know this is a very long disclaimer. I'm done now.
We are all adults here, right? We're all 20-somethings who are on our own, making our own way in the world, making our own decisions, dealing with our own responsibilities. Most of us handle our work, school, church, and financial responsibilities with maturity, even when they get complicated and stressful.
So why can't the same be said for our personal relationships, whether those be romantic relationships or strictly friends? I have a friend (I swear this is not a euphemism for me) who I have known for a very, very long time. We went to elementary school, junior high, and high school together, and have stayed very close since we graduated high school and went to different colleges. She is absolutely amazing. I love her so much. She is such a good friend, because she cares so much about the people in her life, and she shows that in her actions.
I have seen people take advantage of her caring nature, and they do their best to manipulate her into doing things for them and sacrificing what she wants because she wants to make people happy. She's a peacemaker, and some of her "friends" seem to take that as a weakness, a spot they can use to make her do what they want her to do. And I hate it. Some of the stories she tells me make me absolutely livid.
But this latest one put me over the edge. The complete immaturity of her "friends" has me itching to drive to Cedar, smack these two people across the face, and give them a good talking to, just to let them know that someone is on my friend's side.
So this friend has liked a boy for a while now. Quite a while. And recently he has acted in ways that have given her hope that his feelings toward her were changing. She told me about all the things that he was doing (we have a good time swapping boy stories), and it certainly seemed promising to me, too. He was flirting, and usually that's a good sign, right?
Well, apparently not in this case. This boy (and I'm emphasizing boy here) apparently told one of her friends that he doesn't like her "like that." Okay, whatever, that's life. But instead of just telling her, "You know what, I like you a lot, but I just want to stay friends," he went about it in a way that turned him into (in my friend's words) a douche.
From what I have heard (and yes, I know I'm only getting one side of the story, but I trust her when she tells me these things) he has been completely and totally immature and childish about this whole situation. Instead of being an adult and talking with my friend, he has decided to plot with her roommate as to how he can make my friend stop liking him, without jeopardizing the friendship. Their plan: treat my friend like complete dirt for three days, so she can "get over" this boy. Well, it worked, but I don't know about the status of their friendship. And to throw the roommate in the mix is just absolutely ridiculous!
How juvenile is it to think, "I don't want to tell her the truth, because that would be too difficult for me. I don't want to have that talk, so I'm going to act as though she's the annoying, tagalong friend who got invited out of pity, and spend all my time talking to her roommate. But I still want to be her friend." Good laws, boy, grow a pair and talk to her! She's an adult, just like you (are supposed to be)! Yes, "the talk" is going to suck. Yes, her feelings will get hurt. Yes, she will probably take a few days to start acting normally again. But it will all be to your benefit. Because instead of thinking of you as a coward and a jerk to boot, she'll think back and think, "Wow, that took a lot of guts to talk to me. And now we can be friends without all this awkwardness." But no. You missed that opportunity by plotting, and by talking to her roomates about her, when she knows full well you were doing it. (For pete's sake, the kitchen isn't that far away from her bedroom. If you're going to talk about someone, be smart about it, at least!)
It just really makes me angry when people can't just act mature about their interactions with the people around them. Sure, I'm guilty of it at times. We all are. But some things are more serious than others, and toying intentionally with someone's emotions is one of them. Just because you're afraid of how someone will react to the truth doesn't mean the truth isn't the best option. It usually is. So next time you're faced with the prospect of a not very fun conversation, a potentially awkward conversation, stop for a second and think about what would be most beneficial for the person you're talking to. Stop being selfish and do what's right. We're all adults here, so act like it. We can handle it.
So this friend has liked a boy for a while now. Quite a while. And recently he has acted in ways that have given her hope that his feelings toward her were changing. She told me about all the things that he was doing (we have a good time swapping boy stories), and it certainly seemed promising to me, too. He was flirting, and usually that's a good sign, right?
Well, apparently not in this case. This boy (and I'm emphasizing boy here) apparently told one of her friends that he doesn't like her "like that." Okay, whatever, that's life. But instead of just telling her, "You know what, I like you a lot, but I just want to stay friends," he went about it in a way that turned him into (in my friend's words) a douche.
From what I have heard (and yes, I know I'm only getting one side of the story, but I trust her when she tells me these things) he has been completely and totally immature and childish about this whole situation. Instead of being an adult and talking with my friend, he has decided to plot with her roommate as to how he can make my friend stop liking him, without jeopardizing the friendship. Their plan: treat my friend like complete dirt for three days, so she can "get over" this boy. Well, it worked, but I don't know about the status of their friendship. And to throw the roommate in the mix is just absolutely ridiculous!
How juvenile is it to think, "I don't want to tell her the truth, because that would be too difficult for me. I don't want to have that talk, so I'm going to act as though she's the annoying, tagalong friend who got invited out of pity, and spend all my time talking to her roommate. But I still want to be her friend." Good laws, boy, grow a pair and talk to her! She's an adult, just like you (are supposed to be)! Yes, "the talk" is going to suck. Yes, her feelings will get hurt. Yes, she will probably take a few days to start acting normally again. But it will all be to your benefit. Because instead of thinking of you as a coward and a jerk to boot, she'll think back and think, "Wow, that took a lot of guts to talk to me. And now we can be friends without all this awkwardness." But no. You missed that opportunity by plotting, and by talking to her roomates about her, when she knows full well you were doing it. (For pete's sake, the kitchen isn't that far away from her bedroom. If you're going to talk about someone, be smart about it, at least!)
It just really makes me angry when people can't just act mature about their interactions with the people around them. Sure, I'm guilty of it at times. We all are. But some things are more serious than others, and toying intentionally with someone's emotions is one of them. Just because you're afraid of how someone will react to the truth doesn't mean the truth isn't the best option. It usually is. So next time you're faced with the prospect of a not very fun conversation, a potentially awkward conversation, stop for a second and think about what would be most beneficial for the person you're talking to. Stop being selfish and do what's right. We're all adults here, so act like it. We can handle it.
2 comments:
:) Yeah- it's hard, but true.
The "mystery friend" thanks you! That was very sweet Lindy-I love you tons!
Post a Comment