My Friends Rock My Socks

The other day I was thinking about just how lucky I am when it comes to my friends. Most of my college career, I wasn't very social. I don't know if I just didn't really care about making friends or if I just didn't know how, but I basically stuck with my roommates and that was it. Apparently I didn't know what I was missing, because friends are awesome! At least, my friends are awesome.

It seems like I have something to do nearly every weekend, and I love it. I have awesome roommates who are really fun to live with. We often end up doing random things in the apartment or we stay up until two in the morning talking about boys and other (usually quite inappropriate) random things.


This is us at Halloween. It's the only picture I have of all six of us.

We also have some great friends outside our apartment. We have the few guys who seem to spend a whole lot of their time at our apartment, and we love that they feel so comfortable with us. There is rarely a night when our apartment is devoid of boys. Someone is over most nights. We don't even have to be doing anything exciting. Sometimes we just chill.


Too bad Jordan's red Dell isn't in this picture too, it would be cooler.

We do often do some planned things, like seeing movies or karaoke or occasionally basketball games.


Karaoke night at Applebee's is pretty sweet. And we're pretty dang good at karaoke, if I do say so myself.


BYU versus UNM. This was a pretty good game. Mostly because BYU won.

My friends and I can talk about anything and everything, it seems like. Don't believe me? Just read the quote board in my apartment. (I know, that's a very freshman-like thing to do, but some things are just so funny that not recording them would be a crime.) Some of my favorite quotes include:

"You need to marry a good woman who will keep you in check." - Maren
"I need to marry a rich woman who will give me a check." - Jonathan

"If my left eye worked, I'd be a lot less cranky and I'd know who the hell John Kellogg was!" - Haliaka

"I'm going to be such a slutty woman when I get married." - Anna

"Every time you have a good idea, someone in California has already thought of it." - Justin

"When life gives you Provo, make it provocative." - Jillian

I can't help but be grateful for the people who are in my life. They are wonderful and I love them all. I'm so incredibly blessed.

Picture Tag

Angie had this on her blog, and I thought it was kind of a fun, silly post. So why not? Except that I won't tag anyone. You can just do it if you want.

Picture tag

1. Go to my documents/pictures.
2. Go to my 6th file folder.
3. Go to my 6th picture.
4. Blog about it.
5. Tag 6 people to do the same



Wow, Faith and Marla would hate me if they knew I had posted this picture. So...this was two years ago now, when Faith, Marla, and I went to visit our friend Kate down in Cedar City. This is the four of us, though obviously Faith and Marla are more prominent in the photo. This was a pretty sweet trip. We spent Friday and Saturday night in Cedar, playing with Kate, and taking incredibly random pictures. This was Saturday night, I think, when we stayed up until 4 am doing nothing. This was the trip where a creepy guy at the St. George Temple got after us for not bringing our own priesthood holders (we couldn't do baptisms because they didn't have enough priesthood holders for us). This was also the trip where I forgot my pajamas and had to buy some at Wal-Mart. We had far too much fun on this trip and got far too little sleep, but Kate was so worth it.

Needful

"She said, 'If we're gonna make this work,
you gotta let me inside, even though it hurts.
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see.'
She said, 'Like it or not, it's the way it's gotta be.
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me.'"
-- "Whatever it Takes" by Lifehouse

There have been some discussions of late that have gotten me thinking. One of these discussions brought on a blog post from my friend Maren about how relatively easy it is for her to open up and share her feelings with people around her. Which got me thinking about what I do to open up to people. I feel like the lyrics from this song describe almost perfectly how I feel.

I feel like I used to be the kind of person who would wear her heart on her sleeve. It didn't bother me for people to know what I was thinking all the time. I cried a lot, about little things. When my boyfriend broke up with me my senior year of high school, I spent a full three days crying. Everybody knew that something was wrong, and I wanted everybody to know, because then I could talk about it and get it off my chest.

But now I think I have gone to the other extreme. I tend to bottle up my emotions. My roommates and close friends can probably tell when something is bothering me or something is wrong, but I don't usually talk about it much and I don't cry anymore. Even when I want to cry, I can't. It won't come. I feel like I'm broken.

I've been trying to figure out what has changed in me, what has caused me to be this way. And I think I've figured at least part of it out. I don't like feeling dependent on people. I don't like feeling like I absolutely need someone in my life. I like being independent because it means that I don't have to trust anybody. When I trust people (guys in particular) I get burned. Trusting requires so much emotion and so much effort. So if I don't trust anyone, that means I won't get hurt. I am the only person I know who is completely trustworthy.

I made this connection about a week ago. I had a conversation that left me frazzled and a little upset, so I asked one of my guy friends for a hug. And just that simple thing was incredibly difficult for me. I felt so needy, and I hated it. I didn't want him thinking I was some whiny girl who couldn't handle anything on her own. I'm strong and I know it. But after he gave me the hug, we talked a little bit, and I realized just how good it feels to talk, to open up to someone. And it scared me, because suddenly I felt vulnerable. I wanted to open up to him, to let him in, to trust him, but I didn't know how to do it. I didn't want to put myself in his hands. Because if I did that, I would be taking down some of my wall and opening myself up to betrayal and hurt again.

But I keep thinking about it, and the more I think about it, the more I want to let that friend in. I want to know that I can trust someone with a part of myself without him taking advantage of me and abusing that privilege. My walls need to come down, and I know that. But I need help in taking them down and I don't know where to turn.

Straight or Curly?

This weekend, I did my hair straight for the first time in a while. My hair is pretty curly naturally, so I usually stay with the curly. But my straight hair brought up some interesting conversations. One of my guy friends told me that he thought I was more attractive with straight hair. This piqued my curiosity, so I proceeded to ask my other friends what they thought. Two said that they liked me better with straight hair. Another said he liked my hair both ways. My roommate said she likes my hair curly better than straight. So I guess I'm just polling the masses here...which is better? Curly, or straight?

Here's curly. This is how my hair looks almost everyday, because it's so much easier to do. I like it because it's fun and cute.



And here's straight. I like it because it's not stiff and crunchy like my curly hair is, so it moves and I can play with it. It's classy. Plus, it is incredibly soft when it's straight. Seriously, you should feel it sometime, because it's amazing.



These are probably not the best pictures in the world, and they may not be good enough to make a really informed decision, but it's all I've got. And yes, I know that this is an incredibly random post.

I Want to Be Number Two

Because I am single, and because I am a BYU graduate who still lives in Provo, dating is often a subject of conversation and is something I think about a lot. But often what comes out in these conversations is the frustration. Girls are mad at guys because they don't ask girls out, guys are mad at girls because they say no when the guys do ask them out. It's frustrating for both sides, and we all know it. But unfortunately dating is essential.

I was thinking about what I wanted out of this dating game. And I think my thinking has been slightly flawed. I kept thinking about how I wanted someone I was attracted to, someone who treats me well, someone who cares about the arts, who I can have intelligent conversations about books and movies with. But I realized I was forgetting something. I was forgetting that I need to be number two in my future husband's life.

It has to do with this illustration that we've seen a million times in mutual and Sunday school:

I know this one is a little cheesy, but it means the same thing. When we get married, we are not only making solemn promises to one another, we are making them to our Heavenly Father as well. As each person in that partnership strives to live the commandments of God and does everything in their power to come closer to God, they will, by that same process, come closer to one another. When they become one with God, they become one with each other. In the October 2008 General Conference, Elder Russel M. Nelson said:

To qualify for eternal life, we must make an eternal and everlasing covenant with our Heavenly Father. This means that a temple marriage is not only between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God.

In Matthew 6:33, we are commanded: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." This commandment is repeated in Luke, 3 Nephi, and the Doctrine and Covenants. Obtaining the kingdom of God should be the number one priority in our lives, always. Nothing should ever replace that number one slot. Ever. Not a job, not a brother or a sister, not even a spouse. Because if Heavenly Father always fills that number one slot, everything that fills the other slots will fall into place for our good.

Bishop Keith B. McMullin said this about his relationship with his wife:

When I married my dear wife, I knew I would always be number two in her life. This is because she loves God more than she loves me. Over the years my understanding and appreciation for the paramount importance of this “first and great commandment” has deepened. You see, because she loves God more than anything else, she is able to love me more than everything else. How grateful I am that the keeping of this commandment helped her overlook some pretty major deficiencies.

This is what I want. I want someone who lives the first and great commandment, who loves the Lord with his whole heart, soul, mind (Matt. 22:37-38). Because once he opens his heart to that love of God, he will be filled with more capability to love me than he would have if he had put me first to begin with. This love will also allow him to overlook my (many) major deficiencies.

This also means that I need to learn to do this myself. I need to work and pray in order to know what to do to put God first in my life. Because if He is first, He will allow me to let others in. As much as I may want someone to share my life with, I will not be ready for that step until I can share my life with the Lord first.

Valentine's Surprise

Yes, I know Valentine's was almost a week ago, but I'm just now getting around to posting about it.

I had no plans for Valentine's Day, seeing as how I didn't have a Valentine, but I was pleasantly surprised by some of my guy friends. As an apartment, we got a nice bag of candy "anonymously." (We knew who it was from.) They also gave us all Valentine's. Mine was from my "hunk-a-lunk." Pretty funny. Then we got a cute bouquet of balloon flowers, complete with a balloon teddy bear. We still don't know who they're from.

We also got six beautiful gerber daisies, again from unknown admirers.


This was the note that was on mine. I thought it was cute.


I thought they were beautiful. And though we still don't know which kind souls gave them to us, I still want to say thank you to whoever it was. We all loved them.

The Girl Cliff

A wise friend once told me about what she dubbed the "girl cliff." It's very true for most girls, at least from my experience. It goes something like this: A girl is walking along on her path, perfectly content to wander at her own speed, not really worrying about what's going on around her. Then one day she comes across a boy. She thinks he's nice and cute. And then he does some nice things--he smiles at her, he gives her a birthday present, he watches a movie with her. And then, before she knows it, she's stepped over the edge of a vast cliff and she's falling, and falling fast. For a while the sensation is nice--the adrenaline rush, and the wind blowing through her hair. But after a while the feeling is scary. She can't control herself. And the only way she can stop is when she hits the ground. And hitting the ground is painful.

This may seem simplistic, but it is scarily accurate. I know it has happened to me, many times. And at the risk of sounding cheesy, the only way the free-fall will end happily and pain free is when there is someone waiting at the bottom of that cliff, someone who will catch the girl and set her down safely.

I know I have been that girl. I have fallen off that cliff many times. Sometimes the fall was harder than others. Sometimes I've been able to break my own fall and minimize my injuries. Other times I have crashed, and crashed hard. And the worst time was when I thought I had been caught by that someone waiting at the bottom, just to have him throw me back over a bigger cliff and watch me hit the ground. I know that we all have to fall off the cliff. We have to fall a few times in order to know what is worth falling for. I know that I'm still waiting for the guy that I will happily throw myself over for, knowing that he is going to keep me from hitting the ground.

But I haven't found him yet. And it's scary to find yourself on the edge of that cliff when you're not sure if he's worth the plunge.

And I'm close enough that I can see the rocks at the bottom.

Are You Afraid?

Well, are you? Because you should be. Of the movie Twilight, that is.

Before I begin my tirade, I should let you know a couple things. I did read the novels, and I did enjoy them. No, I do not think they are the greatest books ever written (far, far from it, in fact), but they are entertaining and fun. So this review does not come from a Twilight hater.

I spent a grand total of $1.75 on this movie. At least, I will once I pay Jonathan back. And it was a complete waste of my $1.75. I could have bought a burger at Wendy's with that. Or seven candy bars at work. Or even better, a pack of gum. Instead, I saw Twilight at the dollar theater. Why? Because I was told it was terrible and wanted to see for myself. Take it from me, don't assuage your curiosity. It was terrible.

The whole thing was just ridiculous. How many close-up shots of eyes can you have in one scene? I understood the point of it. The Cullens' eyes are golden because they're vegetarians. The other vampires' eyes are red because they're not. It's important. But find another way to portray it.

And the sparkly Edward? Really? Come on. Seriously? He did not shine like diamonds, that's for sure. He shined like fish skin. It was rather gross looking, to be honest. Not at all what I was expecting.

Edward and Bella had absolutely no chemistry. None. The slow kisses were supposed to build the sexual tension, but all they did was make it awkward. And the meadow scene? Ugh, don't get me started. It was painful. Absolutely painful. Painful to the point that I felt bad for the actors. "Say it. Out loud." Who would ever say that? "Are you afraid?" "Only of losing you." Ugh. Gag me. With a pitchfork. Please. It would have been more enjoyable than sitting through this movie.

Okay, so that's an exaggeration. But you get my point.

I could continue. I could continue for a long time. But a lot of my complaints have already been voiced in Jonathan's post from a couple months ago. So if you want to read a scathing review by a film person, read that.

And if you have already subjected yourself to this movie, watch this clip.

Friday the 13th Is the Coolest Day Ever.

So today was awesome. In my apartment, we had the worst couches ever. They were honestly terrible. There was a giant hole in the love seat, so you would fall in and have to be pulled out. It was awful. But today I got a text from my roommate that said, "We've been robbed! Our couches are missing!" But they replaced those crappy couches with these:


Isn't it beautiful? I sure think so. Oh, and the orange MacBook is pretty freaking sweet too.

Just Not My Day

Do you ever have those days where it seems like everything that could go wrong does go wrong? Yeah . . . that was today. It pretty much sucked rocks.

So first of all, I woke up and looked outside, and it was snowing. Yuck. Plus, my car was not parked in covered parking, so I had to scrape my car. So I scraped my car and started my commute to work, and realized very quickly how crappy this commute was going to be. But I was good, I drove smart. I skidded a couple times, but I handled it, no big deal. I got all the way to my work's parking lot. The entrance is off of a pretty steep hill, and I tried my hardest to keep my car from going too fast, but it didn't work. Long story short, I ended up plowing over a curb into some bushes and totally bent the stop sign. Awesome. I was totally stuck. Some nice people pushed me out and helped me get my car into a parking spot. Turns out my tire was totally flat. Super awesome.

I left my car in the parking lot and headed into work, figuring I could find someone who would be able to help me change my tire. Work itself was fine, except for the fact that I was incredibly frazzled all day long. But I found someone to help me with my tire, and we got the spare on just fine.

So I left work and got in my car, ready to go to the tire place to replace my tire. But guess what? In the stress of losing the fight with the curb, I had left my lights on, and my battery was dead. Super! So I sat there for a minute, and I saw someone come out of one of the office buildings. I jumped out of my car and asked if he could jump my car. We tried a few times, and couldn't get my car to start. (I think he just didn't know what he was doing--I wanted to ask him to check the connections on his car, but he was a business man--you know the type, nice car, nice clothes, bluetooth headset--and was in a hurry.) The guy had a meeting he had to go to and couldn't stay to help. So my car was still dead. Goody. I sat in my car for another couple of minutes, doing my best not to have a complete break down, when I saw another man who looked much more helpful than the first: he was driving a work truck and was wearing work clothes. Definitely looked like he would know his way around a car. And sure enough, he got my car started. Hooray!

I was so excited to finally get out of the parking lot. But it didn't take me very long to realize that there was something slightly wrong--like the fact that in order to drive straight, I had to hold the steering wheel at a 45-degree angle. So the crash into the bushes messed with my alignment. But I called my dad, and he said that Discount Tire's website said that they fixed alignment, so I could go to one place for all my needs. Yeah, well, Discount Tire's website is a dirty liar. At least the Provo store doesn't do alignments. Crap. So I spent $82 on a new tire (woo hoo) and I have to skip my internship to go to Les Schwab tomorrow to spend another $50-60 on an alignment. I'm so excited.

And on top of it all, I have a cold.

I'm going to bed.

I Have No Words

So, the other day I was avoiding writing my article at Paper Crafts, so I was looking around on Facebook. I saw that one of my friends wrote a note, so I decided to read it. It was one of those angry notes, full of frustration at the world in general and at a couple people specifically. I thought, "Oh, that's too bad, he's frustrated." And just kept reading. But as I was reading, I realized that the story he was telling sounded oddly familiar. So familiar, in fact, that I felt like I was one of the characters in it. I read it over and over, just to make sure that he was, in fact, ranting and raving about me. And he was. My jaw dropped. I was a little upset, but mostly I thought it was funny. Here's the part that's really important:

"I've been noticing a lot lately how absolutely genuine people are not. I have really started wondering who my friends actually are.

"First off. To the ladies. Yes I'm a pre-mi and no I'm not on your list of marriage prospects but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I feel like over half the girls in my apartment complex don't want to talk to me because I'm not a returned missionary and am therefore not a marriage opportunity. I know, that's probably an over exaggeration but I have examples. There were some girls (I'll call them genuine friend 1 and 2) who, at one time came and visited our apartment and I would go over to theirs but then I found out that one of them was interested in my roommate. I started watching different behaviors and realized I was just a pawn in their chess game. So I started limiting my visits somewhat to genuine friend 1 and 2's apartment and quickly withdrew and was rarely ever invited over again, especially after my room mate explained he was not interested. Thanks, genuine friend 1 and 2, I really appreciate your friendship. There is another example of that too but not as severe. However, genuine friend 1 recently has found an interest in another of my room mates and suddenly I'm a friend again....thanks...but no thanks...I don't need that."

In case you don't know, I'm "genuine friend 2" and my roommate is "genuine friend 1." I want to respond a little bit. First off, I'm so sorry that I was interested in your roommate, and therefore talked to him more than I talked to you. But you would have done the same to me. Second, we stopped talking to everyone in your apartment, not just you. And it is not because you're only 19. And besides, you could have put a in a little effort too. You can't expect everyone to make sure you're invited to every little thing. You could have talked to us and kept coming over even when we stopped going to your house. You should have known it would be a little awkward once your roommate "explained he was not interested."

So I guess my title is a little misleading. I do have words. It just took me 24 hours to finally formulate them.