I Want to Be Number Two

Because I am single, and because I am a BYU graduate who still lives in Provo, dating is often a subject of conversation and is something I think about a lot. But often what comes out in these conversations is the frustration. Girls are mad at guys because they don't ask girls out, guys are mad at girls because they say no when the guys do ask them out. It's frustrating for both sides, and we all know it. But unfortunately dating is essential.

I was thinking about what I wanted out of this dating game. And I think my thinking has been slightly flawed. I kept thinking about how I wanted someone I was attracted to, someone who treats me well, someone who cares about the arts, who I can have intelligent conversations about books and movies with. But I realized I was forgetting something. I was forgetting that I need to be number two in my future husband's life.

It has to do with this illustration that we've seen a million times in mutual and Sunday school:

I know this one is a little cheesy, but it means the same thing. When we get married, we are not only making solemn promises to one another, we are making them to our Heavenly Father as well. As each person in that partnership strives to live the commandments of God and does everything in their power to come closer to God, they will, by that same process, come closer to one another. When they become one with God, they become one with each other. In the October 2008 General Conference, Elder Russel M. Nelson said:

To qualify for eternal life, we must make an eternal and everlasing covenant with our Heavenly Father. This means that a temple marriage is not only between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God.

In Matthew 6:33, we are commanded: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." This commandment is repeated in Luke, 3 Nephi, and the Doctrine and Covenants. Obtaining the kingdom of God should be the number one priority in our lives, always. Nothing should ever replace that number one slot. Ever. Not a job, not a brother or a sister, not even a spouse. Because if Heavenly Father always fills that number one slot, everything that fills the other slots will fall into place for our good.

Bishop Keith B. McMullin said this about his relationship with his wife:

When I married my dear wife, I knew I would always be number two in her life. This is because she loves God more than she loves me. Over the years my understanding and appreciation for the paramount importance of this “first and great commandment” has deepened. You see, because she loves God more than anything else, she is able to love me more than everything else. How grateful I am that the keeping of this commandment helped her overlook some pretty major deficiencies.

This is what I want. I want someone who lives the first and great commandment, who loves the Lord with his whole heart, soul, mind (Matt. 22:37-38). Because once he opens his heart to that love of God, he will be filled with more capability to love me than he would have if he had put me first to begin with. This love will also allow him to overlook my (many) major deficiencies.

This also means that I need to learn to do this myself. I need to work and pray in order to know what to do to put God first in my life. Because if He is first, He will allow me to let others in. As much as I may want someone to share my life with, I will not be ready for that step until I can share my life with the Lord first.